Since Thanksgiving was just last week, I thought I'd spend this blog post telling you about what I'm thankful for. And no, autism didn't make the list. As I have said many times in this blog before, while many autistic people see autism as a superpower, something unique & wonderful about themselves, I see it as a hardship & a burden. Something that has very much gotten in the way of me achieving the white picket fence lifestyle I have dreamt of ever since I was a little girl. I had an interesting conversation with my mom last night, so before we move onto what this blog post is really about, I'd like to talk for a moment about Autism Acceptance. My mom made a comment about how I have accepted my autism, but I was quick to correct her. "I haven't accepted my autism. That's one of the things that I hate the most about myself & I wish it would just go away!" I said to her. "But you write all about it in your blog. You're very open about it there," my mom said. "I haven't accepted it though & I probably never will. I can write about it without accepting it. I'm open about it because I want people to have a better understanding of me. I hate my autism!" I exclaimed. "Okay, acknowledge then. You acknowledge that you have autism," my mom said, correcting the verbiage that she had been using. Yes, I acknowledge that I'm autistic. And I'm open about it, too. I'm trying to use my diagnosis to help others have a better understanding of me & to be more accepting of people who are a little bit different from them. But, accepting my autism? I'm far, far, FAR away from that. And to be completely honest with you, I can't see myself ever accepting it. I mean, autism has made my life so much more difficult than it would've been if I was neurotypical. Autism is something I want to stomp on, throw into a fire, & never see again. You get the picture. Feeling that way about my autism isn't acceptance. I wish I could get to the place of autism acceptance, but I haven't gotten there. And I don't think I ever will. What I'm Thankful For:
However, there are certain life experiences, things I have learned, & perspectives that I have that I only have because I am autistic. And that is what I'm thankful for. While I am definitely NOT thankful for autism itself, I do have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, that is related to autism in one way or another. Those things include, but are not limited to...
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We fell back to Standard Time at 2:00am on Sunday & while most adults love getting an extra hour of sleep, I sure don't because losing Daylight Savings Time causes me so much misery. In fact, it's a day that I dread every single year. That may sound extreme, but it's true. The reason why I dread it? The time the sun sets. Where I live, Saturday night’s sunset was at 5:36pm & Sunday night, it was at 4:35pm. The earliest sunset of the entire year is 4:14pm. That's just plain depressing. While I've lived in Massachusetts my whole life, interestingly, my happiness has always been dependent on how late it stays light out. So, the long, cold winter nights are understandably detrimental to my mental health. Difficulty adjusting to change can make both springing forward to Daylight Savings Time & falling back to Standard Time incredibly stressful for autistic people, but for me, it's only falling back that I struggle with. This is because I just LOVE springing forward to Daylight Savings Time. That extra hour of daylight at the end of the day brings me so much happiness & when I view a change as positive, I'm all for it! It's the negative changes that I struggle with. In fact, I don’t start accepting the fact that we're in Standard Time until the end of February because that's when the sun sets at a much more reasonable hour. The end of February is almost three months away. Plus, once I fully adjust to & accept Standard Time, springing forward is just a few short weeks away (one of my favorite days of the year). It taking that long to adjust to an hour time difference is not okay. When the sunset slowly gets earlier & earlier by a minute or two at a time each day, that's okay because the change is so small. The sun setting an hour earlier is a huge shock to my system because that is a big jump & that is why that is a struggle for me. And yes, I am all for making Daylight Savings Time a year round thing, like they keep talking about. Now, is it March yet? ☀️
Let's start November off by looking back on everything that was covered during the month of October. (Can you believe it's November already?!) Also, if you are new here, WELCOME! I am so glad to have you here! 💕 October's Blog Topics:
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AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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