What Is Autistic Masking, Anyway? Autistic masking, otherwise known as camouflaging, is sometimes used by autistic people to disguise or minimize specific autistic traits or behaviors in social situations. Why Do Some Autistic People Mask? Some reasons autistic people might mask include, but are not limited to:
Who Masks? While any autistic person may mask, it is more likely for autistic people to mask if they:
What Are Some Examples Of Masking?
What Are The Consequences Of Masking?
Masking & Me:
Ways I Masked Growing Up:
Ways I Mask As An Adult:
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One of the last things I learned about when I became aware that I am, in fact, autistic, are the problems autistic people have with self-care. Now, I can tell you that in some ways, being as germaphobic as I am is a real blessing because that is why many of these self-care tasks actually get completed. If I wasn't so finicky about cleanliness, being a hygienic person would be much more of a problem for me. All my adult life, I have had to complete self-care tasks in a certain way in order for them to get done at all, or in order for them to get done in a timely manner, depending on what the task is. I know that if you are an allistic, or a non-autistic person, you are probably wondering what exactly makes self-care so difficult. This is why.
Let's take a moment now to talk about various self-care tasks.
Showering 🚿 Steps Involved:
That is over SIXTY steps (because some of these steps are actually two or three steps) that need to be completed in order to take a shower every night. Doing that EVERY single NIGHT is EXHAUSTING. I take a shower immediately after dinner every single night in order to ensure that my shower is completed in a timely fashion. If I didn't do that autistic inertia would get in my way. I don't use a hair dryer, so I like to shower several hours before going to bed. I don't use a hair dryer because:
The other night, my mom came knocking on the door after I had already taken my clothes off because she had taken her glasses off & couldn't remember where she put them. And she couldn't see to find them. She wanted ME to find them for her of course. I told her I couldn't because I had already taken my clothes off in preparation for my shower. Putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off just wasn't possible due to my executive functioning difficulties & autistic inertia. Asking a neurotypical person to do this might annoy her or him, but for an autistic person like myself, putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off would make it so my shower take many more hours to get completed. And following the routine of getting my shower done by a certain time is EXTREMELY important to me. If I wasn't so germaphobic, my shower might not get done at all with such an interruption, but I have certain rules that I follow. They are:
If my dad hadn't been home & able to find my mom's glasses for her, I know this would've turned into an ugly fight. The entire mindset of not being able to put clothes back on after taking them off is a foreign concept for neurotypical people & is one of the many things that make living in a neurotypical world so stressful & so frustrating. Especially when those people just tell me I'm strange & they don't take the time to understand the way I live or WHY I do the things I do. By the way, my mom's glasses ended up being in her bathrobe pocket, a location I would've NEVER looked in, even if I HAD tried to find them. Childhood Difficulties: Growing up, my dad continued to wash my hair in the kitchen sink until a very old age because I just couldn't tolerate doing it on my own. My mom told the neuropsychiatrist who evaluated me for autism that washing my hair when I was a child was incredibly difficult because I would scream if even one droplet of water made it into my eye. Eventually, my parents forced me to wash my own hair in the shower & that was so, so, SO HARD. And it caused so many fights & so many meltdowns. Putting my head under the shower water felt no different than as if someone was pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. And then it seeped under my eyelashes & into my eyes despite the fact my eyes were squeezed shut. No joke. As time went on, I came up with the coping mechanism of using a face cloth to shield my face from the water & that is something I still use to this day. This is why I decided to call my blog Splashed With Water. I talk more about it in my first blog post, if you would like to go back & read it. Rather than boring you, by giving you the step-by-step breakdown of the rest of the self-care tasks, I'll just talk briefly about the following: Dressing 👚 I have to get dressed the second I wake up because with autistic inertia, it will get to be two o'clock in the afternoon & I'll STILL be in my pajamas. Brushing Teeth 🪥 Until I was in middle school or high school, I used a children's strawberry-flavored toothpaste. My mom forced me to change to a normal "adult" toothpaste at some point around the teenage years. Because it's what normal people use. Until I got more used to it, the minty flavor made it feel like my mouth was literally on fire. 🔥 And I just had to live with it. When I was talking about this during my autism evaluation, my evaluating neuropsychiatrist asked me why I couldn't use a non-mint flavored toothpaste. My response? My mom told me I had to use mint because that's what EVERYONE uses, that's what "normal" people use. I always felt like I was abnormal & needed to force myself to be "normal" in order to be accepted. And my efforts didn't work because I STILL wasn't accepted. I still can't use mouthwash, even though my dentist recommends it because the mint is too strong & it burns my mouth. Mint is a flavor that autistic people tend to be way oversensitive to. Now it all makes sense to me, but my mom still makes fun of me because I adamantly dislike mint-flavored anything, including ice cream & chocolate. How could someone dislike certain flavors of ice cream & chocolate? 🤷🏻♀️ Using The Toilet 🚽 Due to autistic inertia & executive functioning difficulties, I have great difficulty getting up to use the toilet if I'm not already in the standing position, so if I happen to be in the standing position, I literally act like it's a bathroom emergency when it isn't because I know that if I didn't do that, I'm not going to use the bathroom until I take a shower that night, many hours later. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's absolutely true. When I was a child, I wouldn't flush the toilet after using it because I was completely terrified of the sound it made. I also wouldn't use the bathroom if my mom happened to be doing laundry at that time. The spontaneous & LOUD sound that the washer & dryer made would scare the living daylights out of me! I am typically reminded several times a week that I am autistic. What I mean by that is things are constantly happening in my life that I know wouldn't happen if I was allistic, or if I wasn't autistic. When these things happen to me, I tend to say in my head, "[This particular thing] happened because I'm autistic." & then I feel all sad & mopey on the inside. I really wish it wasn't this way because it's part of what makes being autistic feel so disabling. But, I blog about my life. And this is the type of thing I deal with every day. This my real life that I'm sharing with you, so here we go. This is the story of how purchasing a new winter coat reminded me that I am in fact, autistic. All winter long, the threads in my winter coat have been repeatedly breaking, leaving large gaping holes behind. Rather than continuously repairing the damage, I decided that it was time for a new coat. This coat is very old, anyway. The best time to purchase a winter coat is at the end of the season, when everything is on clearance, so now is the PERFECT time for a new one. The task of purchasing a new coat that I will wear almost daily for almost half the year is overwhelming to say the least, especially for an autistic person such as myself. These are the three main reasons why:
The Return Process:
This is where it gets really complicated. I purchased these two coats from Walmart's online marketplace. So, it wasn't actually Walmart who I bought the coats from, but I could return it there. I kept the deep purple coat in my car for about a week & a half, so that I wouldn't have to remember about it on the day I actually needed it. Walmart is a close drive for me, but one of my dog walking clients lives less than two miles from Walmart, so I wanted to return this coat on a day that I didn't have to go anywhere after walking this particular client's dog. It took twelve days before I had time to go to Walmart after walking this client's dog. My entire life is based around doing things in the most efficient manner, so that whatever I do outside of my home takes up the least amount of time possible. Because of my depleted energy levels, as well as my executive function difficulties, doing all my errands on a single day when I'm already in the area for another reason (such as visiting a client's dog or cat) is what works best for me. Anyway, after parking my car, I took the deep purple coat (still in the bag it was shipped in), into Walmart & found the customer service desk. The older woman who helped me was incredibly grouchy. Right away, she complained about the size of the coat (what winter coat isn't large?!) & to be completely honest, I was pretty intimidated & frightened by her. I showed her the barcode on my phone that was connected to the coat I wanted to return & she scanned it. But, I was really confused because she kept making comments about how the coat I was returning wasn't red. I never purchased or received any red coats, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I was scared of her though, so I just let her do her thing & I didn't speak up. She printed out a receipt with the coat's tracking number on it & the amount that I would be refunded. I looked the receipt over as I was walking away because I never trust that people are doing their jobs correctly. I was glad that I checked because the refund she issued me was for the incorrect amount. The coat I was returning was $5 more than the coat I was keeping. And the refund I received was for the coat that was at home! I went back to the customer service counter to ask her about it & she told me that the coat I gave her wasn't red. It was then that I realized why she had been talking about a red coat. 💡 The packing slip inside the shipping bag said that I purchased a red coat & a purple coat. Red wasn't even a color option for the coat I had purchased. I was SO confused by this! ⁉️ I had never even looked at the packing slip because I received exactly what I ordered. The woman returned the purple coat (which was at home) because the coat I gave her wasn't red. When I showed her the picture of the coat on my phone with the price I paid for it, she yelled at me & told me I should've shown her that from the very beginning. I thought I did though because I showed her the barcode, which she scanned & I would think that the barcode would tell the customer service person which coat I was returning & how much to refund. ⁉️⁉️ The only reason I didn't question the customer service woman originally was because I was intimidated & scared. I have lived my entire life having to endure pervasive mistreatment from everyone around me & I am quite certain that it has caused post-traumatic stress disorder, something that more than 40% of autistic individuals struggle with. The reason I didn't speak up was because I was simply autistic & afraid. In the end, a much kinder & younger woman (who was also working behind the customer service desk) called the seller I had purchased the coats from to get the remaining $5 refunded. Going to the store to return something is such a simple task, but being autistic turned it into such a big headache. And it was all because the person helping me wasn't kind. This is something that could've been avoided completely if the person helping me had exhibited kindness & had not been so intimidating. This is the type of thing that I deal with on a daily basis because I am living with autism. For those of you who are also autistic, I hope this story helps you feel less alone. And for those of you who are allistic, I hope this story helps illustrate how difficult it is to be an autistic woman living in a neurotypical world. 💙 Since Valentine's Day was earlier this week, I wanted to write about love, experiencing it, expressing it, & how it looks differently for autistic people than it looks for allistic, or non-autistic people. But, before we begin... What IS Love? Love is a complex mix of emotions that is everyone in the world experiences, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical, autistic or allistic, disabled or non-disabled, etc. It is associated with certain behaviors & strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, & respect for other people (e.g. family, friends, romantic partners, etc.), animals, principles, interests, hobbies, &/or religious beliefs. How Autistic People Experience Love: Widespread stereotypes suggest that autistic people are incapable of feeling love, romantic or otherwise. However, the reality is that autistic people experience love quite intensely (often much more intensely than allistic people). Interestingly, brain scans of autistic people show that when we express feeling love & affection for someone, different areas of the brain are activated than for allistic people. The empathy circuitry of the brain is also working differently. We, autistic people, are typically extremely attached to our close relationships, often more so than allistic people are. This is because we usually have significantly less people that we are close to than allistic people do. Like allistic people, we have a deep desire for those types of relationships, making the close relationships we do have so much more important to us. With this being said, it is important to remember that autism is a spectrum. So, autistic people experience & express love in unique ways that can vary quite drastically from each other. Our experiences & expressions of love are greatly influenced by our individual strengths, challenges, & sensory sensitivities. How Autistic People Express Love: While autistic people feel love & empathy very intensely, often much more intensely than you do, it may be very difficult or impossible for us to express our love & empathy for you in ways that make you feel loved & cared about. Some ways that we express our love include:
Many autistic people experience what is called "limerence." This is when the person we are romantically interested in becomes a special interest. We fixate on every aspect of their being, want to learn about all of their favorite things, or start to picture the rest of our lives with them after just a few (maybe even one) interaction(s). This can sometimes lead to a devastating end when the effort isn't reciprocated or worse, we can't see that it isn't being reciprocated. Tips For Loving An Autistic Person:
Benefits Of Loving An Autistic Person:
A Few Other Things To Remember:
I'm going to start this blog post off by saying this: this is the most vulnerable blog post I have written thus far. Some things that are in it are things that I've mentioned before & some things aren't. But, everything in this post is as real & as raw as it gets, is one-thousand percent true, & is something that I felt needed to be said. Growing up, & even now, my life was & is a struggle. I was autistic & I didn't know it for almost thirty-two years because I grew up at a time when girls like me were just not diagnosed with autism. I was living in a world that I didn't fit into, but I had no understanding as to why that was until about a year & a half ago. I was so lucky because my parents did everything they could to give me the BEST childhood ever. And I'm so thankful for that. However, there were certain things that no matter how loving & how supportive my parents were, they just couldn't protect me from. Every autistic person you talk to will have something to tell you about how society treats her or him; about the trauma that (s)he endures on a daily basis. The way neurotypical people treat us does real, long-lasting harm. I never understood why people treated me so poorly because I didn't think I did anything wrong. Were they treating me that way because I simply exist? Probably. The bullying I experienced in elementary school through college was INTENSE, & it only worsened the older I got. From being made fun of for being too quiet to having my feet walked on top of on a daily basis to being barked at & growled at like an angry dog to boys trying to trip me in the hall & slapping my butt when I was at my locker. Freshman year in college, they put me into a quad with another Shrewsbury alum who inserted nasty things about me into the brain of another one of my roommates. They ganged up against me & made my life a living hell for the entire year. A couple years later, a different roommate suddenly gave me the silent treatment & I had no idea why, until one of her friends told me. It was because I was uncomfortable with boys sleeping over in our room, something that I thought was perfectly reasonable, especially for a quiet & a timid girl like myself. I was never given the chance to make any sort of compromise because she never told me why she was so mad. Many years later, I found out that this particular roommate now has an autistic child. What a coincidence! Being treated with such cruelty on a daily basis for so many years is extremely traumatic for us. And it often has the same types of consequences on our brains as going to war, witnessing someone get murdered, or having an abusive spouse would. It just takes a much longer amount of time to do the same amount of damage. More than 40% of autistic individuals struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder & although I have never been diagnosed, I do think I am one of them. I think that the effects of having to endure the type of treatment I described above for so many years is why it takes me such a long time to trust someone, even now, as an adult. I also never really voiced the significant amount of pain I was experiencing to my parents because I didn't want to worry them. So, I didn't get as much support as I probably needed while I was going through that. I knew I have caused them A LOT of worry ever since the day I was born & I didn't want to add to it even more. From a very young age, I wanted to do everything I could to be the best daughter I could be, even if it meant unintentionally harming myself. When I first learned from my physician that the cause of all of my lifelong struggles was due to living with undiagnosed autism, I took a couple of months to process it & to learn more about how autism affects girls & women. But, after I did that, I wanted to do more digging into my past to learn more about how autism affected me as a young child & as an adolescent. I knew that when I was in school, my mom kept a very thick manilla envelope full of documents & letters from various medical professionals & educators. Knowing how organized my mom always was, I asked her if she still had that envelope & she did. This envelope ended up being a treasure box into my past, containing a lot of information, some that I never knew about myself, from when I was less than a year old until I was eighteen years old. One of the things that really stuck out to me was meeting notes from my seventh grade language arts teacher, Peggy. Better expression in written vs. verbal. More sophisticated style of writing. Not good with being caught off guard. Interacts better with adults. Gets frustrated in groups since they are fooling around and she is so concerned with her grades. Kids aren't patient waiting for her to respond. Struggles with reading comprehension. Getting a bit better advocating for herself. ALL autistic traits. Thinking back to seventh grade, I had always thought very highly of Peggy. I wondered if she remembered anything else about me that would be helpful for me to know, going into an autism evaluation. I knew that she no longer worked in the Shrewsbury schools, but teachers' contact information is usually readily available online. I looked Peggy up & I wrote her an email explaining my lifelong difficulties & how they led to an impending autism diagnosis. I attached a scanned copy of the meeting notes to the email, as well. However, since at this time, I had been a student in her classroom just over eighteen years ago & I hadn't seen or spoken to her in at least fifteen years, I had this underlying fear that she wouldn't remember who I was. I felt like I was a fly on the wall in school, barely saying a word & blending in with the background. I knew she'd had a lot of students since then & I thought I was easy to forget. Spilling my guts out to her only for her to not remember me would've been SO utterly embarrassing. This was in early August of 2022, by the way. It was only a couple of days before I heard back from Peggy & I was beyond relieved to know that she absolutely did remember me. Peggy sounded so delighted to hear from me, too. She described me as a very kind, shy, reserved student (with black-framed glasses if I recall correctly), but she admitted that she didn't think she had much more detail to give me. However, she did offer to chat by phone. And I eagerly took her up on that. If we chatted on the phone, I might be able to foster another connection with a caring & a supportive person & I really felt like that was exactly what I needed because like many autistic people, my life was extremely isolating. This blog post is about my interactions with Peggy & how her kindness & her compassion have changed my life. Peggy didn't know this going in, but I had a lot going on in my life at the time I reached out to her, most of it not even having to do with autism. Back in 2015, my maternal grandpa had a debilitating stroke that left one side of his body without feeling & completely took away his ability to process language (this is known as global aphasia). I unfortunately did not grieve the stroke properly & still to this day, I am in denial that it ever happened in the first place. Now that I know I'm autistic, this makes total sense as we do not grieve in the same way that neurotypicals do. My grandma was his devoted caregiver ever since. The year prior to when I connected with Peggy, my grandparents relocated to Shrewsbury from California because my grandma was dying from tongue cancer. She lived here in Shrewsbury for just two & a half months before succumbing to the disease (six months earlier than expected). While I never had much of a relationship with my grandma, watching my grandpa grieve the love of his life for over sixty years & worrying everyday that he would die of a broken heart was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. At the time I had reached out to Peggy, we had recently passed the one-year mark of my grandma's passing. I was also still getting into the groove of being a secondary caregiver to my grandpa. Due to the brain damage caused by his stroke, my grandpa would often say & do things that hurt me tremendously. No matter how much I tried to remind myself that my able-minded grandpa would never say or do such things, I just couldn't get the hurt to go away. This was particularly difficult for me to deal with because my grandpa & I have always been incredibly close. His hurtful actions were a complete one-eighty from how he'd treated me for the first twenty-five years of my life. All of these things would be difficult for anyone to cope with, but when you're autistic, you're handed a plethora of challenges in life that allistic, or non-autistic people have the privilege of never having to experience. And it's those challenges that make dealing with things like this significantly more difficult. Keep in mind that I didn't know that I was autistic when all of the above events actually happened, so I didn't understand why I reacted like this, why I reacted completely differently from the rest of my family. Ever since I was a young child; I have yearned for my grandparents to live close by & I was so, SO happy to finally have that; but now that I did, my life had become a complete circus. It's something you can't understand without living it.
On the autism forefront, just a couple months ago, I had learned that the reason why I have struggled so much throughout my life was because I was living with undiagnosed autism. It was the reason why:
That first phone conversation I had with Peggy was a breath of fresh air. Back when I was her student, I remember her being really easy to talk to & that was still the case. I filled her in on a lot of things, many of those things being things that hardly anyone knows about me, things that I'm ashamed of. The fact that I even felt comfortable enough to fill her in on those things, after all this time, speaks volumes about Peggy's character, the person she is; especially since I've always felt like I need to protect myself from people; I've always been afraid to show the real me. The way Peggy reacted to the things I told her was really, really comforting. She really took the time to stop & to listen to what I had to say & she didn't make me feel judged, guilty, or like I had done anything wrong. Every time I mentioned how something made me feel, whether it was a positive or a negative emotion, she validated it. And if she suggested something that I didn't think would work, I would explain why, & that was totally okay with her, too. She also told me how much she admired my courage in reaching out to her & that she was here for me. Having that conversation with Peggy gave me the courage to reach out to many of my other former teachers, as well. And while some of those other teachers gave me much more detailed insight than what Peggy could offer me; a few even telling me that an autism diagnosis would absolutely not surprise them; it was Peggy's kindness, support, time, & most of all, her compassion that made the biggest difference to me. That was what I needed more than anything else in the world. As I had other conversations with Peggy later on, she felt that she could no longer offer me the kind of support I needed. Her experience was with adolescents & I was an adult with adult problems looking into adult resources (which I now know are scarce). However, I can tell you that this is absolutely NOT the case at all. I have gone my entire life feeling like when I talk, NO ONE hears me & my feelings don't matter. Sadly, these are commonalities among autistic people. Peggy was the first person I talked to in many, many, many YEARS who really made me feel like she heard what I had to say & she valued my opinion. Plus, she was so, so, SO kind. And she was so incredibly compassionate, too. I have lived a lifetime of people being unkind to me; being critical of everything I do or say, everything I don't do or say, every facial expression I make or don't make. So, it's extra noticeable when someone IS kind; when someone accepts me as I am; when someone ISN'T judgmental; when someone really, truly CARES. When I looked Peggy up to make that first contact & I discovered that she was no longer a language arts teacher, but she was a special education teacher, I wasn't surprised. The notes that she made about me were much more insightful & helpful than the notes I came across from every single one of my other former teachers. Every single one of Peggy's notes was so SPOT ON, about me, AND about an autistic middle school girl. However, after having the interactions with Peggy that I had, I really, truly feel that special education was what she was meant to do with her life; it was her calling. The kids in her classroom are SO lucky to have her. I know she's changing their lives because she's changed mine & it's been twenty years now since I've been her student. (Typing that out makes me feel so old!) More recently, a couple weeks ago, Peggy's mom passed away. When I found out about her family's loss, I knew I needed to go to the visitation. While I've tried to thank Peggy for what she's done for me numerous times before, I didn't think I got my message across effectively enough. There was no better way to thank her, to tell her how much I appreciate her than by going to the visitation to support her & her family during their time of grief. While I was still waiting in line, Peggy caught my eye & gave me a reassuring smile, totally calming my nerves. I knew that the only reason she recognized me was because I had sent her a recent photo of myself back when I originally connected with her. (I look A LOT different now than I did when she knew me in middle school.) That day, during what had to have been one of the most difficult times in Peggy's life, between small actions she was taking & things she said, Peggy was still blowing me away with her kindness & her compassion. When I spoke with her in the receiving line, Peggy asked me about how things were progressing. The fact that she continued to show me so much care & concern while she was grieving the loss of her mom, once again spoke volumes about the absolutely wonderful person Peggy is. As much as I wanted to express the great frustration I was feeling due to things moving slower than molasses, as well as some of the resource people I was working with not only not seeming to know how to help a late-diagnosed autistic woman like myself, but actually making things worse; I didn't. There was a line of people a mile long behind me, all waiting to talk to Peggy & her siblings. Plus, I wasn't there to talk about my personal difficulties. I was there to give her my condolences, my love, my compassion, & my support; things that she had given me a couple years earlier that meant so, SO much to me. I really, REALLY hope that I'll have the chance to fill her in on those things & more one day, at a much quieter time, when I'm not feeling like I need to give her MY support. A few days earlier, when I mentioned to my mom that I was going to go to this visitation, she told me I was very brave for going alone. (This was the first time I had ever been to, or even thought about going to visiting hours by myself-- the couple other times I had been to visiting hours, my family was with me.) In my mind though, I had no choice other than to go to this. I knew that Peggy would never expect me to be there, but Peggy made such a big impact on me recently that I really felt like I needed to go. I am SO quiet; I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to social situations, especially with people I don't know; & I'm someone who really struggles with coming out of my comfort zone. But, when I feel this strongly about something, I do it. And I was SO glad I did. When I talked to Peggy about why I wanted to be there to support her & her family & what an impact she'd made on me, I knew she was really touched by my presence. And that really warmed my heart. So, as I wrap up this very long blog post, why am I telling you all of this? Well, it's because I think you can learn a lot from what Peggy did. What she did is a very good illustration of how doing something so simple can really turn someone's whole life around. When I reached out to Peggy, I was hoping for a little bit of insight, but I got something so much more meaningful instead. She was so unbelievably kind & compassionate, giving me her time & a listening ear. Things that I so desperately needed. And that made such an enormous difference to me in the lonely world that I was living in. 💙 Happy Halloween! Well, maybe it's a Happy Halloween to you, but it's not for me. I've never liked this haunting holiday. So, there. I've come out & said it. I don't like Halloween! Now, having said that, if you're a Halloween-loving person, that's no biggie. In fact, one of my closest friends has a Halloween birthday & I just love her excitement around this frightful day. But, for me, Halloween just isn't my day. And that's okay, too. This Is Why:
I don't dislike everything about Halloween, so this is what I do like about the holiday:
Halloween Challenges For Autistic People:
How You Can Help:
I had a very interesting conversation with my dad about why I've never been successful in the workplace that I'd like to tell you about. I had been sitting at the coffee table, filling out paperwork about my disabilities all afternoon & the last question stumped me: Use this space to write any additional information about why you cannot work. I had put SO much information on all of the other pages of that form explaining why I cannot work that I simply felt like I didn't have anything else to add unless I repeated myself. So, I asked my dad, "Why do you think I cannot work? I want to see if you have any other ideas that I haven't thought of already." My dad has a better understanding of me than most people do because we're so similar to each other. He took a moment to think & then said, "My impression of it is that it's because you can't handle criticism. And because of that, you work ineffectively, which then causes you to get fired." I had never thought of it that way before, but what my dad said was absolutely true. I can't handle criticism. Before we go any further though, I'd like to clarify something. It isn't that I CAN'T work because truthfully, depending on the specifics of the particular job, I CAN work. What I can't do is work for someone else, in the traditional sense. If it's a job where someone is supervising me, that's the problem. Interactions with supervisors are the biggest issue for me in the workplace. While I had never thought of it like how my dad summed it up before, supervisors criticize, whether they're doing it now or they're going to do it in the future. That's what makes me shutdown around them. Interacting with someone who is either actively criticizing me or will criticize me at some point in time causes my brain to completely shutdown. This makes it impossible for me to function, as terrible as that sounds. Total comfort & feeling like I'm not going to be criticized or judged is key in order for me to not shut down. Shutting down at work just doesn't work, supervisors don't know how to interact with me in a way that doesn't cause me to shutdown, & that's why I can't work. This blog post is about what you need to know before criticizing an autistic person, although chances are, if you're reading this, you have already done it at some point in your life. I'm gonna throw in some info about how it feels to be criticized as an autistic woman, too. Why We're So Sensitive To Criticism: Bad Experiences With Criticism: Bullying & being left out are forms of criticism. Every autistic person you talk to will have something to tell you about experiences with those two things. The teasing, the mocking, the name-calling, the fact that no one wanted to be our friend, & MORE. Both bullying & leaving us out does real harm that affects us, autistic adults, many years later. It still affects me today more than I would like to admit. The bullying I endured when I was seven all the way through my early twenties did real harm & it still haunts me to this day. As a fresh college graduate & as an adult, I was constantly criticized by my parents, as well as by other caring family members. I personally believe that Asian & Jewish families expect more from their children than all other ethnicities do. Think about the number of Asian & Jewish doctors & scientists that are out there! Because I have a Chinese mother & a Jewish father, my parents unknowingly set unrealistic expectations for me from a very young age. Once my college graduation was upon me, I quickly discovered that I couldn't live up to those expectations, but I didn't understand why. Being constantly asked if I was happy with my life (I wasn't & I'm still not) & if I worry about what will happen to me when my parents die (I did & I still do) hurt immensely. Not only that, I had no explanation & no understanding of why I couldn't get to the place I needed to be in order to meet their expectations. Living almost thirty-two years of my life feeling like I was a disappointment to my family was extraordinarily difficult. It was even more difficult that I wasn't only disappointing my family, but I was also disappointing myself because I had the same expectations of myself that my parents had of me. I certainly don't blame my parents for any of this because I know that if they had known that I was autistic all this time, those expectations wouldn't have been put on me like they were. However, feeling like I was always falling short & I was never good enough put such a damaging amount of pressure on me for so long that it still affects me to this day to the point where sometimes I forget that their expectations of me have changed since my autism diagnosis. The Criticism Is Constant: I remember being constantly criticized for my behavior ever since I was a young child. Many other autistics have had the same experiences as I have had with this. "Look at me while I'm talking!" "Why do you have that grimace on your face?" "Why are you smiling? That's not funny!" "You shouldn't have said that. You should've said this." "Your face looks funny. Are you okay?" All of the above things have been said to me numerous times throughout my life. Unfortunately, an autism diagnosis hasn't stopped these types of criticisms from happening. My behavior & every move I make have been criticized so much that I simply can't handle any more of it. We're Stressed:
Us autistic people live very high-stress lives. Things that seem so minuscule to you really stress us out. We're sensitive to a lot of things like light, noise, our physical environment, & emotions. For example, I remember a time where my mom insisted that I attend a neighborhood Christmas party. I really didn't want to go because I was expecting to watch Christmas movies in my pajamas that night & now I had to be dressed & socialize with other people. I wouldn't have had such a problem with this party if it wasn't for the fact that it came on suddenly & I had no time to mentally prepare for the fact that I had to attend this party that night. I was in college at the time, so I was definitely old enough to stay home. It just wasn't okay with my mom. The sudden change in plans caused me stress & displeasure & when I expressed that to my parents, I was criticized for how antisocial I was being. This resulted in a complete meltdown. I felt like no one cared about me that night because no one stopped to listen to my thoughts or feelings. When I eventually made it to the party, I ended up standing like a statue against a wall for the few hours we were there because the criticism I received just prior to arriving at the party made it so that I didn't have the emotional capacity to socialize with anyone. We Have Low Self-Esteem: Many autistic people, myself included, suffer from low self-esteem. This is often the result of external factors, like bullying & being left out when we were younger (discussed in more detail above↑). When we have low perceptions of ourselves, it makes us more sensitive to criticism. Low self-esteem also makes us unable to understand or interpret criticism. Even when criticism is communicated with the best of intentions, ALL criticism can make us extremely anxious, which has long-lasting effects on us, crushing our self-esteem even more. Every single time I'm criticized, I feel like I can't do anything right. In fact, I feel like that regardless of whether or not I'm criticized. I know that this is because of how much I have been criticized during the course of my life. Many other autistic people feel this way, too. Our Feelings Are Often Dismissed: I have gone through my entire life feeling like my feelings don't matter. I have always felt like when I speak up, my thoughts & feelings are brushed to the side. I've been talked over & ignored more times than I can count. This not only makes us extra sensitive to criticism, but it makes us think we're being criticized when we're not being criticized at all. What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?: Although not a clinical diagnosis, rejection sensitive dysphoria, or RSD, is when perceived rejection or failure causes so much intense emotional pain that it becomes very difficult for a person to cope with his or her feelings. Autism & RSD: Many autistic people struggle with RSD & I certainly believe I am one of them. However, this isn't an issue for every autistic person. Increased rejection & punishment for not meeting neurotypical standards puts autistic people at higher risk for experiencing RSD. Also, since autistic people often have different sensory & perceptual experiences than allistic, or non-autistic people, they often experience more intense emotions. Autistic people with strong emotional sensitivity tend to experience social & interpersonal rejection stronger than allistic people, which can increase rejection sensitivity. Complications Of RSD For Autistic People: While most people do not enjoy being rejected or criticized (I mean, who would?), RSD goes beyond simply disliking rejection. RSD is so intensely emotional & can even be physically painful. The desire to avoid this unbearable pain & discomfort often leads to increased masking behaviors, which puts the autistic person at higher risk for burnout. Additionally, RSD can trigger mental health issues in autistic people including anxiety, depression, & eating disorders. So, before you criticize an autistic person, remember that while no one likes to be criticized, criticism is often much, MUCH harder for us to take than it is for the allistic population to take. And if your criticism causes us to shut down or to act unconventionally, please treat us with love, care, & understanding. It's what we need most of all. 💙 And This Is The Story: The Week Of August 28th: One morning, my mom was coming home from walking one of our dogs when she heard scuttling coming from underneath the hood of my car. Thinking there must be an animal in there, she asked my dad to investigate. When my dad opened the hood of my car, there was a chipmunk inside. He yelled at it & scared it away. 🐿️ Sunday, September 3rd: My brother, who was home last weekend for my birthday, was waiting to take a walk with my mom & one of our dogs when he heard scuttling coming from underneath the hood of my car. Knowing that there was a chipmunk in there just a few days prior, he told our mom about it. She gave him my car keys & asked him to get rid of it. When he opened up the hood, there were at least four chipmunks in there. This time, the chipmunks were staring at him, seemingly unafraid & unwilling to move. My brother, afraid of the chipmunks, grabbed a broomstick from the garage to try to get them to leave. They scurried out. My dad also put some mothballs inside a little KFC takeout container which he put inside there to deter chipmunks from making the hood of my car their home in the future. 🐿️ 🐿️ 🐿️ 🐿️ Tuesday, September 5th: A couple days later, I was driving to & from my dog walking clients' houses & thought to myself, "There is a really strange smell in the car." Not confident enough in my ability to recognize the unpleasant smell of mothballs, that night, I asked my dad if the smell of the mothballs he put in the hood of the car could possibly effect the smell of the interior of the car. He replied that that is certainly a possibility & one that he thought of, too. Wednesday, September 6th: The next day, my dad told me that he investigated the smell inside my car & it's definitely not mothballs. He smelt the hood of the car & it doesn't smell. The interior of the car did smell though, so he asked me if I spilt anything inside the car, even if it was water. I told him that I definitely didn't spill anything in the car. The only thing I ever regularly consume in the car is water & it's always in a very tightly sealed water bottle that I'm sure didn't spill. I said to him, "I wonder if Mom drove the car & spilt something in it without telling us." That was the only thing I could think of because I know my mom has a tendency to spill things in cars. Then, I went on to say that it was a very strange coincidence that a couple of days after we found chipmunks in the hood of my car, the interior of the car smells. My dad agreed. I was pretty certain that the smell had to do with chipmunks & not with a spill. Friday, September 8th:
It was a super hot & humid day & I was driving to & from my dog clients' houses again. Between walking my own dog & walking my clients' dogs, I was super hot & sweaty. So, I put the car's air conditioner on maximum strength. I then started to notice the unpleasant smell in my car getting significantly worse. A thought went through my head: What if that smell isn't mothballs & there's actually a dead chipmunk lying next to the vents in the hood of my car?! NO, NO, NO! That better not be the case! That better not be! Well, I totally forgot to mention this to my dad by the time I got home. The reason why? The largest rainstorm I've ever driven in happened that afternoon on my drive home. Super stressful drive. It came on so suddenly & without any warning. One moment it was cloudy & the next, it was like I was driving through the middle of a hurricane. There was so much rain that I thought the water was gonna swallow up my car with me inside of it. I could barely see & I didn't think it was safe to pull over either because I didn't think anyone would see me if I did. Saturday, September 9th: The next morning, when I was about to take my dog for his walk, I noticed that the hood of my car was open. So, I asked my dad if he was still investigating the smell. Not surprisingly, he pointed to the backside of my vents & said, "There's a dead chipmunk in there, but I can't see it. I tried looking with the flashlight on my phone & can't see it, but I know it's in there." I KNEW IT. I asked him what we're gonna do about it. Do I have to drive around with a dead chipmunk inside the hood of my car for the rest of the time I drive that car? And most importantly, how are we gonna get the smell to go away? His response? We're not gonna do anything about it because if we can't see it, we can't get rid of it. It will stop smelling. Eventually. The most surprising thing he said though? The chipmunk was probably sick & dying & went in there because it was a nice, quiet place for it to die alone. Yeah, right. 🤦🏻♀️ When I told my mom about my chipmunk situation, she Googled what to do about a dead chipmunk inside the hood of your car. I mean, what else should the queen of Google do? An article she came across said that it can take many months for the smell to go away on its own & it suggested purchasing something called a dead mouse deodorizer. We purchased that from Amazon. 🐿️ Sunday, September 10th: The next afternoon, I had to drive to the next town over to meet my new cat sitting client. I had just barely left home when the world's most horrible smell came over me. I had walked my dog just before this, so yes, the A/C was on. And due to the humidity, it was on maximum. I quickly opened both back windows & put them as far down as possible. I seriously thought I was gonna vomit. The smell was a gazillion times worse than it had ever been before. I was so glad it hadn't started raining yet or I don't know what I would've done. I probably would've died. Or come close to it. By the way, my dad's story changed. Now, he told me that my brother only saw three out of the four chipmunks scurry away last weekend. One of them disappeared. That makes a lot more sense. A chipmunk did not in fact choose its dying place to be behind the vents inside the hood of my car. So, that means one of two things likely happened:
Sensory Sensitivities: Now, let me take a moment to tell you about the open windows in my car, as I mentioned above ↑. I can't tolerate open windows in a car, in a bus, in a ferry, in anything that is moving pretty much. Blowing air, breezes, wind, etc. They all bother me SO much. Convertibles, open air jeeps, etc.? Forget it! That's why I opened my back windows & not my front windows. You know when kids are little & they sit in front of a fan, going, "Ahhhhhhhhhh..." because they love how the fan changes the sound of their voices? I never did that because that would require me to sit in front of a fan. Sitting in front of a fan meant air blowing in my face. Nope, nope, & nooooope! I even had trouble in college with fans. The dorms when I was an underclassman were not air conditioned, so we depended on fans to keep the room cool in the warmer months. That was a problem for someone like me who is intolerant of fans. Also, I have all the vents in my car turned away from the driver's seat so that no air will blow on me while I'm driving. During times where I'm really hot, I have turned them back towards me briefly, just until I cool down before turning them away again. In fact, one time when my dad drove my car, he wondered why he was so hot & then he realized that the reason why was because all of the vents were turned away from the driver's seat! 💨 Monday, September 11th: Last night, a very close friend of mine took me out to dinner for my birthday. Just what I needed. I texted her the evening before to ask her if she could pick me up. I had no clients yesterday, so if I didn't have to drive to dinner, I wouldn't have to drive at all that day. Breathing in that horrible, vomit-inducing stench right before sitting down to dinner? I'd rather not. I mean, there's no good time for that, but right before a meal is an especially bad time for that. Tuesday, September 12th: I had three clients I needed to drive to today & I could barely smell the stench in my car. Could the stench have not been there at all & I'm just imagining it? Quite possibly. I'm still not convinced that this is the end though. There were days that the smell wasn't as bad & then it got bad again. I guess we'll just have to wait & see. Many autistic people have sensitivities to smell. Luckily, I am not one of them. But, being that I am so sensitive to blowing air, my sensory sensitivities did play a factor into how I am surviving this chipmunk situation. And that, everyone, is my story about autism & chipmunks. 🐿️ I got my hair cut this morning. While I just LOVE the end result of a haircut, I don't like the process of having it done. This Is Why:
Why Many Autistic Individuals HATE Having Their Hair Cut:
You probably know that the five senses are sight, hearing, touch, smell, & taste, but did you know that there are actually eight senses? The three hidden senses are: The Vestibular Sense: Vestibular receptors, located in our inner ears, help us process movement & balance. The vestibular system helps us to distinguish between speed & the direction of movement. Many autistic people are either vestibular under- or over-responders. People who are vestibular under-responders seek intense or prolonged vestibular stimulation & may enjoy frequent rocking, swinging, bouncing, jumping, or other activities involving intense movement. People who are vestibular over-responders may react negatively to a wide range of vestibular input. They are often prone to motion sickness & have anxiety during activities that involve movement through space, such as walking down the stairs. They also tend to struggle with body control & coordination. I am someone who struggles a great deal with vestibular sensitivities. This is why numerous times throughout this blog, I have referred to vestibular processing issues & anxiety around certain things causing dizziness. Because I keep referring to vestibular sensitivities, I thought it would be good to take a step back & actually explain what I mean by that. The Proprioception Sense: Proprioception receptors, located in our muscles & joints, provide information about where our bodies are in space. This system impacts our sense of body awareness & coordination. It also helps to create smooth movement. Many autistic people are either proprioception under- or over-responders. People who are proprioception under-responders struggle with knowing how much pressure to apply. They may break pencils or use too much pressure when shaking someone’s hand, for example. They may enjoy jumping, bumping, & crashing into people & objects. They tend to be unaware of safety & can be accident-prone. Children tend to prefer rough play & seem to be constantly wrestling with siblings or other children. They tend to stand too close to others & touch them without permission. And they may crave pressure & bear hugs. People who are proprioception over-responders may are easily overwhelmed by touch & movement. They tend to avoid physical contact, like hugs & other types of contact or pressure. They also tend to become anxious in crowded spaces or when standing close to others. Children who are proprioception over-responders tend to avoid physical play & appear timid around others. They also may dislike slides, swings, other playground equipment, & phys ed class in school. I also struggle with proprioception sensitivities, but because I am now an adult, these issues are much less bothersome now than they were when I was a child. The Interoception Sense: Interoception receptors, located on our internal organs, provide us with information about our internal body & emotional states. These receptors tell us when we're hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, in pain, or needing to use the bathroom. They also tell us if we're happy, sad, or anxious. People who are interoception under-responders may be unaware of pain & temperature signals, not know when they're hungry or thirsty, be unaware of the urge to eliminate until it is urgent, or have alexithymia, otherwise known as the inability to identify his or her own emotions. People who are interoception over-responders may always be hungry, thirsty, or having to use the bathroom. They also tend to experience more pain & pain lasts longer. It is common for over-responders to have frequent sicknesses because even the mildest of illnesses cause them to feel terrible. Stereotypical Sensory Sensitivities:
In movies & on tv, you'll notice that autistic characters are often very sensitive to light & sound. Because of this, they often wear sunglasses, noise-canceling headphones, or ear plugs to relieve themselves from intense sensory input. Autistic people also tend to be very sensitive to touch, where they can only tolerate clothing made from certain types of fabric & they cannot tolerate tags in their clothing or seams in their socks. It is also very common for autistic people to dislike being touched. Lastly, autistic people commonly dislike very strong flavors in the foods they eat. They tend to not like spicy, sour, or minty food. The beige food diet is common for autistic people. People who prefer this diet stick to eating only food that is beige in color, such as plain pasta, bread, & chicken nuggets. My Sensory Sensitivities: I don't experience this world as a stereotypical autistic person, in the sensory sense. Most sensory sensitivities that are common to autistic people are not issues for me. In fact, I was not aware of many of my sensory sensitivities being at all related to autism until I began learning more about autism, as I was pursuing a diagnosis. Until pretty recently, I thought that what I was experiencing were quirks in my likes, dislikes, & behavior. The sense that is definitely the most sensitive & bothersome for me is the vestibular sense. Sight: I do not have any visual sensitivities. Bright lights do not bother me, like they tend to bother the stereotypical autistic person. However, when I was growing up, certain frequencies of lighting would bother me because they caused dizzy spells, which you can read more about in my previous blog post about how the coronavirus pandemic turned me into a "normal" person. For example, the first time I ever successfully ate in a Rainforest Cafe, I was in my twenties. My dad & I were visiting family in Texas & we were in San Antonio for the day. We wanted to eat lunch along the River Walk & the restaurant everyone decided to eat at was the Rainforest Cafe. Something about the atmosphere in that restaurant caused dizzy spells because this was the first time I had ever eaten in that restaurant without getting sick. Because of my history with that restaurant, both my dad & I had anxiety about eating in there, but it was a success! I think it was probably the Rainforest Cafe's lighting that was the issue, but I don't know for sure. Also, while I don't have issues with bright lights, I do have issues with blinking or flashing lights & lights that are moving, particularly in circles. That is more of a vestibular issue though, which I'll discuss more below. Hearing: I do not have any auditory sensitivities. In fact, I really love listening to loud music! Touch: I do not have any of the stereotypical tactile sensitivities involving the clothing I wear. I can generally wear all fabrics of clothing & I am not bothered by tags or by the seams in my socks. I am sensitive to the sheets on my bed touching my feet though, so I have to sleep with socks on. However, as I mentioned in my first blog post, I am very sensitive to water touching me, particularly on my face & in my eyes. Because of that, I can't wash my face with soap in the sink. I have to use a washcloth instead. I also dislike the feeling of breezes. For example, I don't drive with the windows open & I actually point the vents away from the driver's seat in my car. I am also picky about who touches me & how I'm touched. I love experiencing physical affection from family & people I'm close with. However, hugging people that I do not have a certain level of established comfort with is uncomfortable. I also greatly prefer hugs over kisses & dislike romantic touch. I remember that on the first day of school when I was a sophomore in high school, my biology teacher put her hand on my shoulder as I was walking to my desk. I disliked that so much that I couldn't stop thinking about that for the whole rest of the year. If she had done that after I had an established relationship with her, I wouldn't have thought anything of it & it probably would've even made me feel good. But, because it was the first day of school & I didn't have a relationship with this teacher, it really bothered me. Smell: I do not have any olfactory sensitivities. Taste: The gustatory sense is the one sense where I am a stereotypical autistic person. I dislike strong flavors of food & I tend to stay away from spicy & sour food. If I'm eating in a restaurant & the waitress asks me if I would like a lemon in my water, I always decline it. In cases where I am not asked whether or not I would like a lemon & my water arrives with a lemon in the glass, I always take the lemon out. I also don't like mint, even in chocolate or in ice cream! I tolerate it in toothpaste though. Lastly, I really like my drinks cold (with A LOT of ice) & my food hot (temperature-wise). Vestibular: The vestibular sense is the sense that is by far the most sensitive & interferes with my daily living the most. In fact, that is why the graphic I chose to use for this blog post is supposed to resemble spinning. I am definitely a vestibular over-responder & I have a lot of fears that are all caused by this sensitivity. I listed many of these fears in my previous blog post about how the coronavirus pandemic turned me into a "normal" person. I could write a novel about everything that causes dizziness, so I tried to pick the things that stuck out the most in my mind. I know what I generally can & can't handle, so I either try to avoid certain things or I use coping mechanisms to deal with certain situations that most people would think nothing of. This is also why I don't know how to ride a bike. Embarrassing, but true. An example of a coping mechanism I use is how I deal with glass elevators, which really bother me. I have learned to find a screw or another stationary object inside the elevator to focus my eyes on until the elevator stops moving. An example of a situation that caused vestibular oversensitivity took place at a family wedding when I was in middle school. My mom's cousin's husband wanted to dance with me & took me to the dance floor. I remember really struggling with that dance because he didn't know to not spin me & I wasn't comfortable enough with him to tell him to stop. My grandpa, who I call Gung-Gung, took me to dance right afterwards & he didn't spin me because he knew how sensitive I was. The difference & the relief that I experienced when I danced with my Gung-Gung was phenomenal. Proprioception: I have significant proprioception sensitivities, but luckily, these things no longer affect my adult life. When I was a child, I felt unsafe on playground & climbing equipment if other children were also using it. I was also unable to engage in age-appropriate physical play with other children. Phys ed was traumatizing. In fact, what I remember about my elementary school phys ed teacher is that she scolded me for running away from a fast-moving soccer ball & she didn't scold my peers for laughing at me. I was truly terrified of that ball & I was only doing what I could do to protect myself. In high school, the transition between classes & the transition from class to the buses or the parking lot was terrifying because I thought I was going to get hurt from navigating down a staircase among a fast-moving stampede of teenagers. Interoception: I do not have significant issues with interoception, but I occasionally will experience alexithymia. I don't have any trouble identifying intense emotions, but I sometimes will have difficulty distinguishing between closely-related emotions or more neural emotions. I can't believe we've made it to the end of April already! Let's wrap up Autism Acceptance Month by talking about how you should react if someone in your life chooses to disclose an autism diagnosis to you. I was lucky that when I disclosed my struggles & my diagnosis, most people reacted correctly without any guidance, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. This is what autistic people REALLY want from you. The DO's Of Reacting To An Autism Disclosure:
The DON'T's Of Reacting To An Autism Disclosure:
What Are Autism Function Labels?: Autism function labels are used by allistic, or non-autistic people, such as parents, family members, friends, caretakers & medical professionals; to describe an autistic person's abilities. If you refer to someone as having "high-functioning" or "low-functioning" autism, for example, you are using autism function labels. What Is "High-Functioning" Autism?: "High-functioning" autism isn't an official medical diagnosis, but is a term that allistic people use when talking about autistic people. When people talk about an autistic person who is "high-functioning," they are referring to someone who despite his or her autism, is able to read, write, speak, & handle daily tasks such as eating, getting dressed, & personal hygiene independently. A "high-functioning" autistic person can also live independently. People may also call "high-functioning" autistic people mildly autistic, less autistic, or something similar. These terms essentially mean the same thing as "high-functioning" autism. "High-functioning" autism is just the term that is used the most often. What Is "Low-Functioning" Autism?: "Low-functioning" autistic people are usually unable to live independently & will require support from a parent or caretaker throughout their lives. "Low-functioning" autistic people are either nonverbal or they have much more pronounced communication impairments. People may also call "low-functioning" autistic people severely autistic, more autistic, or something similar. These terms essentially mean the same thing as "low-functioning" autism. "Low-functioning" autism is just the term that is used the most often. How Are Autism Function Labels Harmful?: Autism function labels are harmful because they cause ableism, or the discrimination of disabled people. How Autism Function Labels Harm "Low-Functioning" Autistics
How Autism Function Labels Harm "High-Functioning" Autistics
What Does the Autism Spectrum Look Like?: Many allistic people would be very surprised to learn that the autism spectrum is NOT linear & the below image is absolutely NOT what the autism spectrum looks like. The autism spectrum looks more like this ↓. More specifically, this graphic is what MY autism spectrum looks like because it illustrates my specific abilities, as well as my challenges. As noted below, the more white space a particular area of the spectrum contains, the more I struggle with that particular situation or activity & vice versa. You will not be able to find another autistic person out there who's spectrum looks exactly like this because each & every one of us is different from one another. What Terminology Should We Use Instead of High-Functioning & Low-Functioning Autism?: Instead of calling us high-functioning or low-functioning, please simply call us autistic or if you need to be more specific, refer to us an autistic person with low support or high support needs. This makes us feel less judged about who we are as people, but still lets caregivers, teachers, or employers know what to expect in terms of how much support & what type of accommodations we may require. |
AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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