Last night, my college bestie & I went to a comedy show at a Worcester brewery. I didn't know it beforehand, but two out three of the standup comedians were autistic. The first comedian told us that she is autistic by sharing that both her & her fiancé (who performed right after her) have a touch of the 'tism. Now, this is a phrase that many autistic people use that I just cannot stand. Since this phrase came up during the comedy show that I just attended, I thought that now would be a good time to talk about what this phrase means & why it bothers me so much. What Exactly Does "A Touch Of The 'Tism" Mean?: "A touch of the 'tism" is a slang phrase used to characterize individuals displaying autistic traits. Many autistic people use this phrase when:
While this phrase may also be used by allistic, or non-autistic people to describe others who are displaying autistic traits, this is generally less common. People may say that someone has "a touch of the 'tism" regardless of whether or not (s)he is actually autistic. Why "A Touch Of The 'Tism" Bothers Me:
This is why I am so bothered by the phrase:
While a couple things that were said last night did bother me, nights out with my bestie (last night included) are seriously THE BEST. She's one of the very few people that I can say knows about all of me & loves me for it. 💙
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The above was a statement my dad shared with me a couple nights ago. 🥰 All my life, my dad has been the one I could count on to say things like that to me, things that I need to hear. Let me tell you more about the background of this statement. My mom had recently made an appointment for my grandpa & herself to get the new COVID vaccine. Finally having convinced my dad to get the vaccine earlier than he had originally wanted to get it, she was trying to add him to the vaccine appointment group she had made for my grandpa & herself. That's when a thought came over me: should he really be getting the new vaccine then? My dad had been experiencing some kind of allergic reaction the past several days, so his doctor prescribed a steroid to help with the itchiness he had been experiencing. Now, this steroid helps with allergies & all kinds of autoimmune disorders. I know much more about this medication & how it works than I wish I did because one of my dogs took it many years ago, when he was very sick with a blood clotting problem. Knowing that this medication works so well by suppressing the immune system, I asked my parents about this drug before my mom added my dad to her appointment group. When you get a vaccine, you want the best immune response possible, so taking a medication that makes your immune system not work as well while you're getting a vaccine— that's probably not a good idea. My dad agreed with me, so he is holding off getting the vaccine until after the ten days on the steroid has passed & his immunity is back to normal. Out of curiosity, later on that night, I asked my dad if he would've thought of the impact of the steroid he's taking on his immune response to the new COVID vaccine on his own. He told me he definitely wouldn't have & he would've just gotten the vaccine on an earlier date, like my mom & I wanted him to. Feeling happy with myself for speaking up while trying to be humorous at the same time, I said something along the lines of, "See, sometimes having an immune- & germ-obsessed daughter can be beneficial!" If you'd like to read more about my experiences being a germaphobe, please feel free to go back & read my blog posts about how the coronavirus pandemic turned me into a "normal" person & how vestibular sensitivities effect my daily life. I then talked more about how he can thank my obsession with germs & the immune system, as well as my dog, Teddy for my knowledge about this steroid. If it wasn't for Teddy's illness, I wouldn't know so much about how this drug affects your body. That's when my dad said to me, "Everything about you is a blessing to me." No one's ever said that to me before, so my immediate reaction was that my dad was just being sarcastic again. I was sitting there talking about the immune system & my germaphobic tendencies, so hearing that that was a blessing really caught me off guard. I mean, I don't consider that a blessing to ME (it's so hard to live that way), so how could it be a blessing to someone else? Germaphobia is a BIG part of who I am. It turned out that my dad was being 100% truthful in that moment & wasn't being sarcastic at all. "Everything about you is a blessing to me." That was something I needed to hear. If you love me, tell me. If you're proud of me, tell me. If I look pretty, tell me. If I'm doing things right, tell me. If you love that design I just created, tell me. If everything about me is a blessing to you, tell me. I need to hear all those things & more. I've gone my whole life with terrible self-esteem & being super dependent on validation from others. Every positive thing you think about me: I need to know about it, I need to know how you feel. That's what keeps me going & I know that that's also why words of affirmation is my love language. What Are The Love Languages?:
The term love language refers to the way that a person prefers to express & receive love. While the term was first introduced to us by best-selling author, speaker, & marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, the term is used more loosely today, referring to love that is expressed between romantic partners, family members, friends, & more. In Dr. Gary Chapman's best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, he proposed five specific love languages, which are:
If you'd like to learn more about the five love languages, you can visit Dr. Gary Chapman's love language website to take quizzes to learn more about yourself, as well as to take a look at other resources & videos he has available, all of which provide valuable insight. Is Autism Really More Common In Males?: Statistically, boys are four times more likely to be autistic than girls, but because we know so much more about autism now than ever before, we are now questioning if it is actually more common in boys or if it is just more commonly diagnosed in boys. Since it was historically believed that autism was more prevalent in boys than in girls, scientists & doctors have focused their autism research on boys. Because of this, the diagnostic criteria for autism is modeled around male behavior. What we didn't know until very recently is that autism can look very differently in girls. Since autistic girls often have different traits that do not match the diagnostic criteria for autism, traits are easier to miss & are mistaken for other things, like shyness & social anxiety, which are much more socially acceptable in girls than in boys. Girls are also more likely to mask their autistic traits & may mimic appropriate social behaviors by copying behaviors that they see in everyday life & on tv in order to fit in. For example, many girls & women force themselves to maintain eye contact by looking in between someone's eyes rather than into them if eye contact makes them uncomfortable. (I do this until a certain level of comfort with a person is reached, which is when eye contact becomes comfortable & natural for me.) Masking is something that is much less common for boys & men to do. Girls are also often diagnosed with depression &/or anxiety, conditions that frequently coincide with autism, rather than with autism spectrum disorder itself. Because scientists & doctors just began learning about how autism presents itself differently in females within the past decade, many women in their twenties & older have just now been receiving the autism diagnoses that they deserve. Many of these late-diagnosed autistic women never presented stereotypical male autistic traits. These women tended to be evaluated for & diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after having significant problems with things in their adult lives such as treatment-resistant mental health issues, employment, friendships, romantic relationships & more (all things I struggle with). Other women were diagnosed after their child(ren) was/were diagnosed & they recognized some of the same traits in themselves. I truly believe that the reason I was not diagnosed during childhood is because of my gender. What Does Autism Look Like In Females?:
Social Deficits
Pretend Play One of the most common traits of both male & female autism is not knowing how to participate in pretend play. However, it is more likely that this struggle will be noticed in boys because girls tend to be taught from a very young age to be little caretakers, taking care of a baby doll or a stuffed animal. Because boys tend to be not taught this, struggling with pretend play is much more obvious in males. However, I only knew how to play with baby dolls & stuffed animals. When my little cousin asked me to use her plastic horses & farm animals to engage in pretend play with her, that was a struggle for me. I would often ask my little three-year-old cousin what to say or do. My aunt bringing out a craft project for me to help my cousin with brought great relief! Special Interests One of the most common symptoms of both male & female autism is having a special interest. However, male special interests tend to be very specialized & technical, where female special interests tend to be more "normal." For females, the level of intensity of the interest is what is abnormal. Because of this, it can be harder to notice the difference between a "normal" interest & a special interest. Common special interests in females are:
Wheels Many autistic children have a fascination with spinning wheels that are on a toy truck or train, for example. However, because toy vehicles tend to be boy-specific toys & I was a very feminine girl, I didn't own any toys that had wheels other than a child-sized stroller I used to push my baby dolls & stuffed animals around in the neighborhood. Miscellaneous
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AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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