As I talked about earlier in this blog, when I received my autism diagnosis back in October 2022, I knew that I wanted to share it, as well as my experiences & my knowledge in order to spread more awareness & acceptance of autism & the many ways it can look. However, what I was not aware of was how rewarding & fulfilling that would feel, thanks to the unbelievable amount of love, positive responses, & support I received in return. As I was reading about autism disclosure & what other newly diagnosed autistic people went through, whether in autism books or memoirs or posts in autism support groups on Facebook, I have to admit that not knowing how people would react to this news was quite scary, especially after reading about other people's disclosure experiences, some which were pretty horrible. However, I knew that I wanted to "come out" as autistic to people. (Yes, coming out isn't just for sexual orientations & is also a term used for other aspects of life. Autistic people "come out" as autistic (or disclose their autism) if they so choose as well!) I felt like I had been misunderstood my entire life & I wanted people to get me, to understand me. Autism would explain all of my quirks, all of my difficulties, from early childhood through adulthood. However, I knew that there was a huge risk that I would get reactions that would be inappropriate, upsetting, make me uncomfortable, or all of the above. Before the idea of starting a blog even came to mind, I shared my struggles & my diagnosis with roughly eighty people, from all different aspects of my life. I began with telling family, close friends, former teachers, neighbors, & people I interact with on a regular basis. Later on, as I gained more comfort, I expanded the circle of people who knew to even more neighbors, my parents' friends & colleagues, & people who I went to school with, many who had to have been aware of the intense bullying I experienced all throughout my educational journey. I was extremely surprised that out of those eighty-ish people I "came out" to, only one of those people reacted in a way that made me uncomfortable. I was the most worried about this particular person's reaction, but it was a family member that in the goodness of my heart, I felt that I couldn't exclude due to sharing this news with everyone else in my family. I began writing my autism disclosure email in early September 2022. This was roughly a month & a half prior to receiving my autism diagnosis & roughly three months before being ready to send this email out for the first time. I sent this email out twice, to two separate groups of people & posted a similarly-worded Facebook post as well. I reread & revised this email almost everyday from the time I wrote it until I actually sent it out (a definite autistic trait). I received SO many compliments about how well-written this email was from those who received it. Multiple people told me they read it once & then reread it again & again. I was told many times from a multitude of people that I am such a talented writer. This is something that was true from the time that I was a child, as well. From rereading notes written by my former teachers, my elementary school, middle school, & high school teachers all seemed to agree that written communication was a strength of mine while verbal communication was a weakness (another autistic trait). As a child, it was easier to write a poem about how I was feeling than to just say it. Now, it is easier to write a letter or a blog post about how I feel than it is to talk about it.
The decision to start a blog was the result of how people reacted when I shared my struggles & my diagnosis with them, how rewarding & fulfilling that felt, as well as being complimented so many times about my writing. I wanted to branch out a little further by starting an autism acceptance blog & online boutique to help make a difference in the best way I know how: through writing & design! My background is in graphic design, but being complimented so many times about my writing solidified that going down this completely new avenue & combining these two things might be worth exploring because of my newfound passion for autism advocacy, as well as employment-related difficulties (which I now know is due to being autistic). This winter, during a deep & lengthy conversation about my struggles & my experiences I had with one of my neighbors, she told me I should write a book. At this point, I'm unsure about whether or not I'll get to the point where getting a book of my own published is a realistic goal, but I shared with my neighbor that I have been working really hard on getting a blog up & going with the goal of launching April 1st, just in time for Autism Acceptance Month. This blog would be a great step towards writing a book if that is something that is in my future. I am so excited to see what the future holds for me, but I am even more excited that you are coming along for the ride!
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Welcome & happy first day of Autism Acceptance Month! As I sit here writing my first ever blog post, I find myself reflecting on how much my life has changed over this past year. More precisely, exactly one year ago today, I had absolutely no idea I was on the autism spectrum. (!!) It feels a bit strange typing that out. The Meaning Behind Splashed With Water 💦
During my autism evaluation, my mom described washing my hair when I was a little girl as being very difficult. Ever since I can remember, it was extremely painful if even a single droplet of water were to get into my eyes, nose, or ears. Especially my eyes. Due to my fear of putting my head under the water in the shower, my dad continued washing my hair in the kitchen sink long after I should have been able to do it myself. It was embarrassing, but washing my hair myself in the shower was physically impossible. My mom tried to teach me to just close my eyes & to keep a towel outside the shower to wipe my eyes if needed. But, doing it that way was impossible due to the amount of discomfort that a single droplet of water would cause. Whenever we talked about this, it tended to turn into an argument & all the muscles in my body would tense up. That is how intense the anxiety over the simple act of washing my hair in the shower was. Eventually, I came up with the genius idea that if I covered my eyes with a washcloth when I put my head under the water, I would be able to wash my hair like any other person could. As I grew up, I didn't outgrow my extreme aversion to water & this technique is something I still use today, well into my thirties. My mom was surprised to learn that I still do this, as I was talking about it during my autism evaluation. If I didn't literally shield the shower water from my face, I wouldn't be able to wash my hair in the shower even to this day. The name Splashed With Water is poking at a sensory sensitivity caused by autism that was undiagnosed for over thirty years. This is just one example of a plethora of lifelong difficulties that began to make so much sense with an autism diagnosis. Receiving this diagnosis has given me a huge sense of relief because I now have a much deeper understanding of myself & I know why I have struggled for so long without any answers. |
AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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