My dogs are a breed that requires grooming because they have hair that grows rather than fur that sheds. They typically go to the grooming salon every eight to twelve weeks. Now, those of you who don't have dogs might not be aware of this, but most grooming salons keep dogs in crates for hours until it is his or her turn to get groomed. Because of this, dogs are typically at the salon all day long. I think this is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. I've brought my ten-year-old dog, Teddy to the same grooming salon ever since he was a tiny puppy, so that's how my expectations of dog groomers were set. This particular groomer took dogs by appointment only & Teddy never took longer than an hour to be finished. Once I had two dogs, they took an hour & a half to be finished. Last year, this groomer who was located about thirty minutes away from us ended up relocating to a town that was another thirty minutes away from us. She later had to close down completely due to medical reasons. My Journey Finding A New Grooming Salon: This was no fun task, particularly for an undiagnosed autistic woman like myself who dislikes change & is extraordinarily picky when it comes to her dogs' care. Seriously, NO ONE can do it right. This is also why I rarely travel. I don't trust anyone to take care of my dogs. Grooming Salon #1: We tried this salon a little over a year & seven months ago when our groomer had COVID & our normal salon suggested we give them a call. They also suggested that we stay with them if we like them, but my response was, "No way, we like you too much!" We didn't know our groomer was planning to relocate at this point, but now them making this suggestion makes a lot of sense. The groomer there barely cut their hair even though I gave her a reference photo, so Teddy & Ollie walked out looking almost exactly the way they looked when they walked in. This salon typically keeps dogs there for way longer than I'm comfortable with, but because they knew we had anxious dogs & both my mom & I were stressed over it, they told us that they would get them done as quickly as possible, which they did. It only took two hours. I knew they couldn't do that if we were regular clients, so this salon wasn't an option. Grooming Salon #2: One of my dog sitting clients takes her dogs to this salon & it is run by appointment, like I am used to. I brought my dogs here a few times & while they looked super duper cute after their cuts, there were several things about this salon that made me a little uneasy:
Grooming Salon #3: This salon was a salon that I had preconceived notions about because I know a lot of people who bring their dogs here. I absolutely DID NOT want my dogs to get groomed at this salon because of how uncomfortable it made me. The reason I was so uncomfortable was because one of my neighbors told me that their dog took four & a half hours here. My neighbor's dog is only slightly larger than my boys, so how long it takes to groom her should be comparable. ⭐️⭐️ Once an autistic person has preconceived notions about something, it is absolutely impossible to change her or his mind! Many neurotypical people think this is stubbornness, but I can tell you it is not stubbornness. This is in fact autism at its finest & it makes me just as uncomfortable as it makes you. ⭐️⭐️ I'll never forget the day that my mom called me to tell me that she thinks we should bring the boys here for grooming. She was trying to convince me that this salon was just perfect. It was clean, well-decorated, & obviously very well taken care of. The woman she talked to was nice, friendly, & helpful. I was not convinced, but not only that, I was furiously mad. Remember, you can't change an autistic person's mind once (s)he has preconceived notions about something (see above↑)! My mom told me I should stop by to see it for myself because she was impressed. So, I stopped by on my way to my client's house who lives just down the street from this salon. Stopping by solidified my negative feelings about this salon. When I got there, it was super hectic, which didn't give me a good first impression. Hectic environments are always a turnoff for me (that's my autism speaking again). But, here's what really made me upset:
My Experience Taking My Dogs To Grooming Salon #3:
My experience taking my dogs to this salon was just horrible. I felt like I was the only one who felt this way though because almost everyone else I know who uses them just LOVES them. I'm used to this though & that's another autistic trait— my opinion often differs from everyone else's. I used to look forward to Teddy & Ollie having grooming appointments. They both looked so dapper afterwards! But, now I dreaded grooming days. I usually had knots in my stomach that started anywhere from a week before the appointment to a day before the appointment. I knew my dogs were crated here, which really bothered me. I know that small dogs like mine are safer in a crate, but what I wanted in a grooming salon was for it to be safe for my dogs to not be crated. Plus, I needed predictability & I never knew how long they were going to take. Predictably is very important to autistic people & unpredictability drives us crazy. I couldn't handle the unpredictability of bringing my dogs here. Also, I am so attached to my dogs that if I'm home & my dogs aren’t, I am very distraught. So, I needed a distraction the entire time my dogs were there. That wasn’t possible. I based my tip on how long my dogs took. If they took two hours or less, I gave a 20% tip & if they took any longer than that I gave a lower tip. Since I've always paid for both dogs, my mom has told me how much to tip. We've brought them here several times & they only took less than two hours once. That was the only time I gave the tip my mom suggested. I was always in such a bad mood on grooming days that it caused me to get into these really bad arguments with my mom & I would snap over the most minuscule of things. Thinking back, I think there wasn't a single time my dogs got groomed at this salon where this didn’t happen. I knew I couldn’t continue bringing my dogs here. It just wasn’t good for me, or for anyone. But, it was important to me that both dogs got groomed together & because of that, I had no other choice. I HATED it. This is a very good example of how I feel so unheard & like my opinion & my feelings don't matter. The fact that I downright HATED this salon didn't matter to my mom & that hurt. Finding Grooming Salon #4 😇: My mom called me one morning a little less than a week ago & said to me, "I found a grooming salon you'll LOVE! I know what you like & you'll love both the salon & the groomer here." Unlike the time she called me to tell me about Grooming Salon #3, the vibe I got from her that morning was completely different. I totally trusted my mom this time, so there was absolutely no convincing needed. But, she wanted to bring me & the pups to this salon to see it & to meet the groomer. This salon was perfect. I LOVEd the groomer, too. She also listened to us when we told her that the easiest way to tell our dogs apart is by their tails. The salon was clean & well taken care of. The groomer had her Cavalier with her that day, but also had a Bichon at home that she takes with her sometimes, too. We let Teddy & Ollie run around in the grooming area & they both looked happy. They were probably super confused as to why they were at a grooming salon & left without a haircut though. They both hate getting groomed! Our First Appointment At Grooming Salon #4: We went to visit the salon this past Wednesday & we booked an appointment for this morning, the following Tuesday. We also cancelled yesterday’s appointment we had scheduled for our dogs at Grooming Salon #3. I was beyond excited for that. The groomer brought her Bichon with her today because she remembered that I made a comment last week about how our dogs love other small, white dogs. She also knew which dog was Teddy & which one was Ollie immediately, so she remembered how to tell them apart by their tails. I gave her a reference photo of a haircut they had at our original groomer & they both came out looking super duper cute. Their hair wasn't cut short enough, but it usually isn't on a first visit to a new salon. That can be easily fixed though. How long did it take us to find this salon? Slightly less than a year & seven months. I'm hopeful that we'll continue to be happy here. Did almost no salon fit my needs because I'm autistic? I don't know, but I think that's quite possibly the case. That's also why I told you all this. To show you how being autistic can complicate someone's life & to show you just how frustrating & aggravating it can be.
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You may have heard of it, or maybe you haven't, but let's talk about what Spoon Theory is & how it applies to autistics. If you've ever heard someone exclaim, "I'm out of spoons!"; you might've been super confused. And no, (s)he didn't run out of silverware. It was Spoon Theory that (s)he was referring to. Spoonies, as we call ourselves, are people living with chronic illnesses, autism, mental health issues, terminal illnesses, disabilities, & more who use this theory to give their healthy family & friends a glimpse of what it's like to be in our shoes. What Exactly Is Spoon Theory?: Now, it's important to remember that I did not create Spoon Theory & I'm no Spoon Theory expert. I'm simply an autistic woman living with persistent, lifelong mental health issues who has benefited greatly from having a simple & concise way to explain my energy & ability levels on any given day. The Origin Of Spoon Theory: First, I highly encourage you to read the entire origin story of Spoon Theory, but here is Spoon Theory in a nutshell: Spoon Theory was originally created by Christine Miserandino, a woman with lupus. She & her best friend were at a diner late one night when her friend asked her what it was like to live with lupus. And that's when Spoon Theory was born. Christine handed her friend a collection of spoons as a concrete way to illustrate what it was like to live a day with lupus. "I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted." Every chronically ill, autistic, mentally ill, terminally ill, & disabled person begins each day with a limited number of spoons. The number of spoons most spoonies begin the day with is twelve because that's how many spoons Christine handed her friend that night. And every task that you do throughout the day takes up one or more of your spoons. How many spoons each task takes up depends on how difficult the task is for you to do. Depending on the person & his or her illness or disability, certain activities may allow spoons to be replenished. I'll talk more about that later on in this blog post. Remember that an activity such as getting ready for work has to be broken down into smaller steps. Getting ready for & getting to work usually contain all or most of the following steps for most people:
Once a spoonie runs out of spoons, (s)he has no energy left for the rest of the day, so we have to make choices about how we're going to use our precious spoons. For example, are you going to shower or eat breakfast today? If you go to the grocery store after work today, will you have enough spoons left to cook? Healthy people have the luxury of not needing to make these choices because they wake up each day with an infinite number of spoons. While the Spoon Theory was originated by a woman with lupus, it applies to so many other illnesses & disabilities out there as well. How Does Spoon Theory Apply To Autistics?: Autistic people wake up each day with a limited number of spoons. Let's continue to use the number twelve. Sometimes the number of spoons we wake up with can be lower than what is typical. For example, if we had a meltdown yesterday or if we didn't sleep well, we might hypothetically start the day with eight spoons, no spoons, or a negative number of spoons rather than the typical twelve. We have to plan our days very carefully in order to conserve our spoons. We face unique struggles because we live in a world that wasn't built for us. Navigating a neurotypical world uses up our spoons at an astronomical rate. The tasks that I find to take up the most amount of spoons tend to involve interaction with people. Also, because of my vestibular sensitivities, I live my life in fear of germs & illness, so tasks that involve cleaning or being in close contact with people I don't know also take up a lot of spoons. The below image outlines how many spoons I use up for many of the typical tasks in my daily life (although some tasks are hypothetical). As you can see from the below image, many of us, myself included, consistently run on a spoon deficit. It would be impossible for me to only use twelve spoons in a day. I try to conserve my spoons as much as I can, but so many daily tasks take up such a significant number of spoons that spoon conservation is impossible. This is why autistic burnout & meltdowns are so common in the autism community. We are quite simply out of spoons. Most days, I wake up feeling like I am out of spoons before I'm even out of bed because the limited number of spoons I am given each day just isn't enough. When you've run out of spoons every single day of your life, it really takes a toll on you. Because I am consistently spoon-deficient, I try to avoid the majority of tasks that take up five & six spoons. The only task in this group of tasks that I passionately love doing is taking care of my grandfather. Autistic people do not handle stress well & because caregiving is very stressful, it takes up a lot of spoons. However, it also can be very rewarding & it gives me precious time with my grandfather, which I love. Spoon Replenishment: While I am consistently running on a spoon deficit, I feel lucky that sometimes, my spoons can be replenished. This isn't the case with all spoonies. The below image outlines how I personally experience spoon replenishment. Certain activities are much more effective at accomplishing this than other activities. Sleep is something that helps replenish spoons for many spoonies, but that isn't something that helps me. I have many other things that replenish my spoons though, which I am grateful for. Because my spoons are used up much more quickly than they are replenished, this only helps my spoon deficit ever so slightly. Why Does Spoon Theory Help?: I love Spoon Theory because it gives our community a common language that explains our daily energy levels in a simple way. It also helps our healthy & neurotypical family & friends understand what their ill or disabled family & friends are facing in a concrete way. Sometimes, it may look to others that we are lazy when that isn't the case at all. We are simply out of spoons. Without this language & understanding, many of us would be using more of our precious energy than we had left explaining to our family & friends that we are all out of energy. (How ironic is that?!) If you’re new to Spoon Theory, I hope that this explanation helps you to see the struggles that us spoonies face on a daily basis in a new way. And if you know me on a personal level, I hope this helps you understand me better, too. 💙 |
AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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