One of the last things I learned about when I became aware that I am, in fact, autistic, are the problems autistic people have with self-care. Now, I can tell you that in some ways, being as germaphobic as I am is a real blessing because that is why many of these self-care tasks actually get completed. If I wasn't so finicky about cleanliness, being a hygienic person would be much more of a problem for me. All my adult life, I have had to complete self-care tasks in a certain way in order for them to get done at all, or in order for them to get done in a timely manner, depending on what the task is. I know that if you are an allistic, or a non-autistic person, you are probably wondering what exactly makes self-care so difficult. This is why.
Let's take a moment now to talk about various self-care tasks.
Showering 🚿 Steps Involved:
That is over SIXTY steps (because some of these steps are actually two or three steps) that need to be completed in order to take a shower every night. Doing that EVERY single NIGHT is EXHAUSTING. I take a shower immediately after dinner every single night in order to ensure that my shower is completed in a timely fashion. If I didn't do that autistic inertia would get in my way. I don't use a hair dryer, so I like to shower several hours before going to bed. I don't use a hair dryer because:
The other night, my mom came knocking on the door after I had already taken my clothes off because she had taken her glasses off & couldn't remember where she put them. And she couldn't see to find them. She wanted ME to find them for her of course. I told her I couldn't because I had already taken my clothes off in preparation for my shower. Putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off just wasn't possible due to my executive functioning difficulties & autistic inertia. Asking a neurotypical person to do this might annoy her or him, but for an autistic person like myself, putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off would make it so my shower take many more hours to get completed. And following the routine of getting my shower done by a certain time is EXTREMELY important to me. If I wasn't so germaphobic, my shower might not get done at all with such an interruption, but I have certain rules that I follow. They are:
If my dad hadn't been home & able to find my mom's glasses for her, I know this would've turned into an ugly fight. The entire mindset of not being able to put clothes back on after taking them off is a foreign concept for neurotypical people & is one of the many things that make living in a neurotypical world so stressful & so frustrating. Especially when those people just tell me I'm strange & they don't take the time to understand the way I live or WHY I do the things I do. By the way, my mom's glasses ended up being in her bathrobe pocket, a location I would've NEVER looked in, even if I HAD tried to find them. Childhood Difficulties: Growing up, my dad continued to wash my hair in the kitchen sink until a very old age because I just couldn't tolerate doing it on my own. My mom told the neuropsychiatrist who evaluated me for autism that washing my hair when I was a child was incredibly difficult because I would scream if even one droplet of water made it into my eye. Eventually, my parents forced me to wash my own hair in the shower & that was so, so, SO HARD. And it caused so many fights & so many meltdowns. Putting my head under the shower water felt no different than as if someone was pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. And then it seeped under my eyelashes & into my eyes despite the fact my eyes were squeezed shut. No joke. As time went on, I came up with the coping mechanism of using a face cloth to shield my face from the water & that is something I still use to this day. This is why I decided to call my blog Splashed With Water. I talk more about it in my first blog post, if you would like to go back & read it. Rather than boring you, by giving you the step-by-step breakdown of the rest of the self-care tasks, I'll just talk briefly about the following: Dressing 👚 I have to get dressed the second I wake up because with autistic inertia, it will get to be two o'clock in the afternoon & I'll STILL be in my pajamas. Brushing Teeth 🪥 Until I was in middle school or high school, I used a children's strawberry-flavored toothpaste. My mom forced me to change to a normal "adult" toothpaste at some point around the teenage years. Because it's what normal people use. Until I got more used to it, the minty flavor made it feel like my mouth was literally on fire. 🔥 And I just had to live with it. When I was talking about this during my autism evaluation, my evaluating neuropsychiatrist asked me why I couldn't use a non-mint flavored toothpaste. My response? My mom told me I had to use mint because that's what EVERYONE uses, that's what "normal" people use. I always felt like I was abnormal & needed to force myself to be "normal" in order to be accepted. And my efforts didn't work because I STILL wasn't accepted. I still can't use mouthwash, even though my dentist recommends it because the mint is too strong & it burns my mouth. Mint is a flavor that autistic people tend to be way oversensitive to. Now it all makes sense to me, but my mom still makes fun of me because I adamantly dislike mint-flavored anything, including ice cream & chocolate. How could someone dislike certain flavors of ice cream & chocolate? 🤷🏻♀️ Using The Toilet 🚽 Due to autistic inertia & executive functioning difficulties, I have great difficulty getting up to use the toilet if I'm not already in the standing position, so if I happen to be in the standing position, I literally act like it's a bathroom emergency when it isn't because I know that if I didn't do that, I'm not going to use the bathroom until I take a shower that night, many hours later. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's absolutely true. When I was a child, I wouldn't flush the toilet after using it because I was completely terrified of the sound it made. I also wouldn't use the bathroom if my mom happened to be doing laundry at that time. The spontaneous & LOUD sound that the washer & dryer made would scare the living daylights out of me!
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When you think of autism, chances are, colorful puzzle pieces come to mind. However, there is great controversy among the autism community regarding the use of puzzle pieces in relation to autism. Many autistic people, myself included, dislike using puzzle pieces to symbolize autism. In fact, I even educated my mom on this very important issue just a few days ago. When I was talking with her about my plans for Splashed With Water, she asked me if I was going to be creating designs with puzzle pieces. She was surprised to learn that I wasn't & that is one of the things that is going to make my business unique. Because many autistic people don't like what the puzzle piece symbolizes, I wanted to create a place where autistic people would be able to shop for autism acceptance items that align with their beliefs. (With the exception of one puzzle piece design, which shines light on the fact that we are people, not puzzles that need to be solved.) My mom works in an elementary school where people wear puzzle pieces during the month of April in support of those in the autism community, so she was confused about why puzzle pieces would be worn at her school when so many autistic people dislike its use. One of the reasons I wanted to create this blog & boutique is to solve issues like this, by sharing how one autistic woman thinks & feels. The History of The Autism Puzzle Piece:
The Meanings of The New Autism Symbols:
Welcome & happy first day of Autism Acceptance Month! As I sit here writing my first ever blog post, I find myself reflecting on how much my life has changed over this past year. More precisely, exactly one year ago today, I had absolutely no idea I was on the autism spectrum. (!!) It feels a bit strange typing that out. The Meaning Behind Splashed With Water 💦
During my autism evaluation, my mom described washing my hair when I was a little girl as being very difficult. Ever since I can remember, it was extremely painful if even a single droplet of water were to get into my eyes, nose, or ears. Especially my eyes. Due to my fear of putting my head under the water in the shower, my dad continued washing my hair in the kitchen sink long after I should have been able to do it myself. It was embarrassing, but washing my hair myself in the shower was physically impossible. My mom tried to teach me to just close my eyes & to keep a towel outside the shower to wipe my eyes if needed. But, doing it that way was impossible due to the amount of discomfort that a single droplet of water would cause. Whenever we talked about this, it tended to turn into an argument & all the muscles in my body would tense up. That is how intense the anxiety over the simple act of washing my hair in the shower was. Eventually, I came up with the genius idea that if I covered my eyes with a washcloth when I put my head under the water, I would be able to wash my hair like any other person could. As I grew up, I didn't outgrow my extreme aversion to water & this technique is something I still use today, well into my thirties. My mom was surprised to learn that I still do this, as I was talking about it during my autism evaluation. If I didn't literally shield the shower water from my face, I wouldn't be able to wash my hair in the shower even to this day. The name Splashed With Water is poking at a sensory sensitivity caused by autism that was undiagnosed for over thirty years. This is just one example of a plethora of lifelong difficulties that began to make so much sense with an autism diagnosis. Receiving this diagnosis has given me a huge sense of relief because I now have a much deeper understanding of myself & I know why I have struggled for so long without any answers. |
AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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