Temple Grandin, that is. When many autistic people disclose that they are autistic, a common question they receive is, "Have you heard of Temple Grandin?" If you don't know who Temple Grandin is, she is an American animal science professor, public speaker, & author who is widely thought of as the "face" of autism. So, when many people think of autism or autistic people, they think of her. This is why many autistic people are asked if they have heard of her when they first disclose that they are autistic. When I was asked this question, I had not heard of her, probably because this was towards the beginning of my autistic journey of self-discovery. All of the literature I was choosing to read were written by women in their thirties & forties. Women who were much closer in age to me & therefore, their life experiences were very relatable to mine. Temple is in her seventies, so I know her life experiences are drastically different from mine growing up. However, as time went on, I have learned more & more about her & now I can tell you that there is so much about her that just doesn't sit right with me. Many other autistic people look up to her & call her a "hero" or an "inspiration," & this may surprise you, but Temple Grandin most certainly isn't a hero of mine. Before I tell you why that is, I would like to tell you about the positive things Temple Grandin has done for the autistic community.
Why Temple Grandin Isn't My Hero:
While, yes, Temple Grandin, one of the first openly autistic people, has done many great things for the autistic community, she will most certainly NOT be my hero until she changes her ableist views about autistic people.
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One of the last things I learned about when I became aware that I am, in fact, autistic, are the problems autistic people have with self-care. Now, I can tell you that in some ways, being as germaphobic as I am is a real blessing because that is why many of these self-care tasks actually get completed. If I wasn't so finicky about cleanliness, being a hygienic person would be much more of a problem for me. All my adult life, I have had to complete self-care tasks in a certain way in order for them to get done at all, or in order for them to get done in a timely manner, depending on what the task is. I know that if you are an allistic, or a non-autistic person, you are probably wondering what exactly makes self-care so difficult. This is why.
Let's take a moment now to talk about various self-care tasks.
Showering 🚿 Steps Involved:
That is over SIXTY steps (because some of these steps are actually two or three steps) that need to be completed in order to take a shower every night. Doing that EVERY single NIGHT is EXHAUSTING. I take a shower immediately after dinner every single night in order to ensure that my shower is completed in a timely fashion. If I didn't do that autistic inertia would get in my way. I don't use a hair dryer, so I like to shower several hours before going to bed. I don't use a hair dryer because:
The other night, my mom came knocking on the door after I had already taken my clothes off because she had taken her glasses off & couldn't remember where she put them. And she couldn't see to find them. She wanted ME to find them for her of course. I told her I couldn't because I had already taken my clothes off in preparation for my shower. Putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off just wasn't possible due to my executive functioning difficulties & autistic inertia. Asking a neurotypical person to do this might annoy her or him, but for an autistic person like myself, putting my clothes back on after I had taken them off would make it so my shower take many more hours to get completed. And following the routine of getting my shower done by a certain time is EXTREMELY important to me. If I wasn't so germaphobic, my shower might not get done at all with such an interruption, but I have certain rules that I follow. They are:
If my dad hadn't been home & able to find my mom's glasses for her, I know this would've turned into an ugly fight. The entire mindset of not being able to put clothes back on after taking them off is a foreign concept for neurotypical people & is one of the many things that make living in a neurotypical world so stressful & so frustrating. Especially when those people just tell me I'm strange & they don't take the time to understand the way I live or WHY I do the things I do. By the way, my mom's glasses ended up being in her bathrobe pocket, a location I would've NEVER looked in, even if I HAD tried to find them. Childhood Difficulties: Growing up, my dad continued to wash my hair in the kitchen sink until a very old age because I just couldn't tolerate doing it on my own. My mom told the neuropsychiatrist who evaluated me for autism that washing my hair when I was a child was incredibly difficult because I would scream if even one droplet of water made it into my eye. Eventually, my parents forced me to wash my own hair in the shower & that was so, so, SO HARD. And it caused so many fights & so many meltdowns. Putting my head under the shower water felt no different than as if someone was pouring rubbing alcohol over my head. And then it seeped under my eyelashes & into my eyes despite the fact my eyes were squeezed shut. No joke. As time went on, I came up with the coping mechanism of using a face cloth to shield my face from the water & that is something I still use to this day. This is why I decided to call my blog Splashed With Water. I talk more about it in my first blog post, if you would like to go back & read it. Rather than boring you, by giving you the step-by-step breakdown of the rest of the self-care tasks, I'll just talk briefly about the following: Dressing 👚 I have to get dressed the second I wake up because with autistic inertia, it will get to be two o'clock in the afternoon & I'll STILL be in my pajamas. Brushing Teeth 🪥 Until I was in middle school or high school, I used a children's strawberry-flavored toothpaste. My mom forced me to change to a normal "adult" toothpaste at some point around the teenage years. Because it's what normal people use. Until I got more used to it, the minty flavor made it feel like my mouth was literally on fire. 🔥 And I just had to live with it. When I was talking about this during my autism evaluation, my evaluating neuropsychiatrist asked me why I couldn't use a non-mint flavored toothpaste. My response? My mom told me I had to use mint because that's what EVERYONE uses, that's what "normal" people use. I always felt like I was abnormal & needed to force myself to be "normal" in order to be accepted. And my efforts didn't work because I STILL wasn't accepted. I still can't use mouthwash, even though my dentist recommends it because the mint is too strong & it burns my mouth. Mint is a flavor that autistic people tend to be way oversensitive to. Now it all makes sense to me, but my mom still makes fun of me because I adamantly dislike mint-flavored anything, including ice cream & chocolate. How could someone dislike certain flavors of ice cream & chocolate? 🤷🏻♀️ Using The Toilet 🚽 Due to autistic inertia & executive functioning difficulties, I have great difficulty getting up to use the toilet if I'm not already in the standing position, so if I happen to be in the standing position, I literally act like it's a bathroom emergency when it isn't because I know that if I didn't do that, I'm not going to use the bathroom until I take a shower that night, many hours later. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it's absolutely true. When I was a child, I wouldn't flush the toilet after using it because I was completely terrified of the sound it made. I also wouldn't use the bathroom if my mom happened to be doing laundry at that time. The spontaneous & LOUD sound that the washer & dryer made would scare the living daylights out of me! WELCOME to the first Autism Acceptance Month blog post of 2024! Today, I wanted to take a few steps back & go over some autism terms & what they mean. I use many of these terms throughout my blog & I try to provide definitions as I write. It's always good to take the time to pause & review what some of these terms mean though. And there's no better time to do that than when we're kicking off Autism Acceptance Month! Important Autism Terms & Definitions:
I'm going to start this blog post off by saying this: this is the most vulnerable blog post I have written thus far. Some things that are in it are things that I've mentioned before & some things aren't. But, everything in this post is as real & as raw as it gets, is one-thousand percent true, & is something that I felt needed to be said. Growing up, & even now, my life was & is a struggle. I was autistic & I didn't know it for almost thirty-two years because I grew up at a time when girls like me were just not diagnosed with autism. I was living in a world that I didn't fit into, but I had no understanding as to why that was until about a year & a half ago. I was so lucky because my parents did everything they could to give me the BEST childhood ever. And I'm so thankful for that. However, there were certain things that no matter how loving & how supportive my parents were, they just couldn't protect me from. Every autistic person you talk to will have something to tell you about how society treats her or him; about the trauma that (s)he endures on a daily basis. The way neurotypical people treat us does real, long-lasting harm. I never understood why people treated me so poorly because I didn't think I did anything wrong. Were they treating me that way because I simply exist? Probably. The bullying I experienced in elementary school through college was INTENSE, & it only worsened the older I got. From being made fun of for being too quiet to having my feet walked on top of on a daily basis to being barked at & growled at like an angry dog to boys trying to trip me in the hall & slapping my butt when I was at my locker. Freshman year in college, they put me into a quad with another Shrewsbury alum who inserted nasty things about me into the brain of another one of my roommates. They ganged up against me & made my life a living hell for the entire year. A couple years later, a different roommate suddenly gave me the silent treatment & I had no idea why, until one of her friends told me. It was because I was uncomfortable with boys sleeping over in our room, something that I thought was perfectly reasonable, especially for a quiet & a timid girl like myself. I was never given the chance to make any sort of compromise because she never told me why she was so mad. Many years later, I found out that this particular roommate now has an autistic child. What a coincidence! Being treated with such cruelty on a daily basis for so many years is extremely traumatic for us. And it often has the same types of consequences on our brains as going to war, witnessing someone get murdered, or having an abusive spouse would. It just takes a much longer amount of time to do the same amount of damage. More than 40% of autistic individuals struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder & although I have never been diagnosed, I do think I am one of them. I think that the effects of having to endure the type of treatment I described above for so many years is why it takes me such a long time to trust someone, even now, as an adult. I also never really voiced the significant amount of pain I was experiencing to my parents because I didn't want to worry them. So, I didn't get as much support as I probably needed while I was going through that. I knew I have caused them A LOT of worry ever since the day I was born & I didn't want to add to it even more. From a very young age, I wanted to do everything I could to be the best daughter I could be, even if it meant unintentionally harming myself. When I first learned from my physician that the cause of all of my lifelong struggles was due to living with undiagnosed autism, I took a couple of months to process it & to learn more about how autism affects girls & women. But, after I did that, I wanted to do more digging into my past to learn more about how autism affected me as a young child & as an adolescent. I knew that when I was in school, my mom kept a very thick manilla envelope full of documents & letters from various medical professionals & educators. Knowing how organized my mom always was, I asked her if she still had that envelope & she did. This envelope ended up being a treasure box into my past, containing a lot of information, some that I never knew about myself, from when I was less than a year old until I was eighteen years old. One of the things that really stuck out to me was meeting notes from my seventh grade language arts teacher, Peggy. Better expression in written vs. verbal. More sophisticated style of writing. Not good with being caught off guard. Interacts better with adults. Gets frustrated in groups since they are fooling around and she is so concerned with her grades. Kids aren't patient waiting for her to respond. Struggles with reading comprehension. Getting a bit better advocating for herself. ALL autistic traits. Thinking back to seventh grade, I had always thought very highly of Peggy. I wondered if she remembered anything else about me that would be helpful for me to know, going into an autism evaluation. I knew that she no longer worked in the Shrewsbury schools, but teachers' contact information is usually readily available online. I looked Peggy up & I wrote her an email explaining my lifelong difficulties & how they led to an impending autism diagnosis. I attached a scanned copy of the meeting notes to the email, as well. However, since at this time, I had been a student in her classroom just over eighteen years ago & I hadn't seen or spoken to her in at least fifteen years, I had this underlying fear that she wouldn't remember who I was. I felt like I was a fly on the wall in school, barely saying a word & blending in with the background. I knew she'd had a lot of students since then & I thought I was easy to forget. Spilling my guts out to her only for her to not remember me would've been SO utterly embarrassing. This was in early August of 2022, by the way. It was only a couple of days before I heard back from Peggy & I was beyond relieved to know that she absolutely did remember me. Peggy sounded so delighted to hear from me, too. She described me as a very kind, shy, reserved student (with black-framed glasses if I recall correctly), but she admitted that she didn't think she had much more detail to give me. However, she did offer to chat by phone. And I eagerly took her up on that. If we chatted on the phone, I might be able to foster another connection with a caring & a supportive person & I really felt like that was exactly what I needed because like many autistic people, my life was extremely isolating. This blog post is about my interactions with Peggy & how her kindness & her compassion have changed my life. Peggy didn't know this going in, but I had a lot going on in my life at the time I reached out to her, most of it not even having to do with autism. Back in 2015, my maternal grandpa had a debilitating stroke that left one side of his body without feeling & completely took away his ability to process language (this is known as global aphasia). I unfortunately did not grieve the stroke properly & still to this day, I am in denial that it ever happened in the first place. Now that I know I'm autistic, this makes total sense as we do not grieve in the same way that neurotypicals do. My grandma was his devoted caregiver ever since. The year prior to when I connected with Peggy, my grandparents relocated to Shrewsbury from California because my grandma was dying from tongue cancer. She lived here in Shrewsbury for just two & a half months before succumbing to the disease (six months earlier than expected). While I never had much of a relationship with my grandma, watching my grandpa grieve the love of his life for over sixty years & worrying everyday that he would die of a broken heart was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. At the time I had reached out to Peggy, we had recently passed the one-year mark of my grandma's passing. I was also still getting into the groove of being a secondary caregiver to my grandpa. Due to the brain damage caused by his stroke, my grandpa would often say & do things that hurt me tremendously. No matter how much I tried to remind myself that my able-minded grandpa would never say or do such things, I just couldn't get the hurt to go away. This was particularly difficult for me to deal with because my grandpa & I have always been incredibly close. His hurtful actions were a complete one-eighty from how he'd treated me for the first twenty-five years of my life. All of these things would be difficult for anyone to cope with, but when you're autistic, you're handed a plethora of challenges in life that allistic, or non-autistic people have the privilege of never having to experience. And it's those challenges that make dealing with things like this significantly more difficult. Keep in mind that I didn't know that I was autistic when all of the above events actually happened, so I didn't understand why I reacted like this, why I reacted completely differently from the rest of my family. Ever since I was a young child; I have yearned for my grandparents to live close by & I was so, SO happy to finally have that; but now that I did, my life had become a complete circus. It's something you can't understand without living it.
On the autism forefront, just a couple months ago, I had learned that the reason why I have struggled so much throughout my life was because I was living with undiagnosed autism. It was the reason why:
That first phone conversation I had with Peggy was a breath of fresh air. Back when I was her student, I remember her being really easy to talk to & that was still the case. I filled her in on a lot of things, many of those things being things that hardly anyone knows about me, things that I'm ashamed of. The fact that I even felt comfortable enough to fill her in on those things, after all this time, speaks volumes about Peggy's character, the person she is; especially since I've always felt like I need to protect myself from people; I've always been afraid to show the real me. The way Peggy reacted to the things I told her was really, really comforting. She really took the time to stop & to listen to what I had to say & she didn't make me feel judged, guilty, or like I had done anything wrong. Every time I mentioned how something made me feel, whether it was a positive or a negative emotion, she validated it. And if she suggested something that I didn't think would work, I would explain why, & that was totally okay with her, too. She also told me how much she admired my courage in reaching out to her & that she was here for me. Having that conversation with Peggy gave me the courage to reach out to many of my other former teachers, as well. And while some of those other teachers gave me much more detailed insight than what Peggy could offer me; a few even telling me that an autism diagnosis would absolutely not surprise them; it was Peggy's kindness, support, time, & most of all, her compassion that made the biggest difference to me. That was what I needed more than anything else in the world. As I had other conversations with Peggy later on, she felt that she could no longer offer me the kind of support I needed. Her experience was with adolescents & I was an adult with adult problems looking into adult resources (which I now know are scarce). However, I can tell you that this is absolutely NOT the case at all. I have gone my entire life feeling like when I talk, NO ONE hears me & my feelings don't matter. Sadly, these are commonalities among autistic people. Peggy was the first person I talked to in many, many, many YEARS who really made me feel like she heard what I had to say & she valued my opinion. Plus, she was so, so, SO kind. And she was so incredibly compassionate, too. I have lived a lifetime of people being unkind to me; being critical of everything I do or say, everything I don't do or say, every facial expression I make or don't make. So, it's extra noticeable when someone IS kind; when someone accepts me as I am; when someone ISN'T judgmental; when someone really, truly CARES. When I looked Peggy up to make that first contact & I discovered that she was no longer a language arts teacher, but she was a special education teacher, I wasn't surprised. The notes that she made about me were much more insightful & helpful than the notes I came across from every single one of my other former teachers. Every single one of Peggy's notes was so SPOT ON, about me, AND about an autistic middle school girl. However, after having the interactions with Peggy that I had, I really, truly feel that special education was what she was meant to do with her life; it was her calling. The kids in her classroom are SO lucky to have her. I know she's changing their lives because she's changed mine & it's been twenty years now since I've been her student. (Typing that out makes me feel so old!) More recently, a couple weeks ago, Peggy's mom passed away. When I found out about her family's loss, I knew I needed to go to the visitation. While I've tried to thank Peggy for what she's done for me numerous times before, I didn't think I got my message across effectively enough. There was no better way to thank her, to tell her how much I appreciate her than by going to the visitation to support her & her family during their time of grief. While I was still waiting in line, Peggy caught my eye & gave me a reassuring smile, totally calming my nerves. I knew that the only reason she recognized me was because I had sent her a recent photo of myself back when I originally connected with her. (I look A LOT different now than I did when she knew me in middle school.) That day, during what had to have been one of the most difficult times in Peggy's life, between small actions she was taking & things she said, Peggy was still blowing me away with her kindness & her compassion. When I spoke with her in the receiving line, Peggy asked me about how things were progressing. The fact that she continued to show me so much care & concern while she was grieving the loss of her mom, once again spoke volumes about the absolutely wonderful person Peggy is. As much as I wanted to express the great frustration I was feeling due to things moving slower than molasses, as well as some of the resource people I was working with not only not seeming to know how to help a late-diagnosed autistic woman like myself, but actually making things worse; I didn't. There was a line of people a mile long behind me, all waiting to talk to Peggy & her siblings. Plus, I wasn't there to talk about my personal difficulties. I was there to give her my condolences, my love, my compassion, & my support; things that she had given me a couple years earlier that meant so, SO much to me. I really, REALLY hope that I'll have the chance to fill her in on those things & more one day, at a much quieter time, when I'm not feeling like I need to give her MY support. A few days earlier, when I mentioned to my mom that I was going to go to this visitation, she told me I was very brave for going alone. (This was the first time I had ever been to, or even thought about going to visiting hours by myself-- the couple other times I had been to visiting hours, my family was with me.) In my mind though, I had no choice other than to go to this. I knew that Peggy would never expect me to be there, but Peggy made such a big impact on me recently that I really felt like I needed to go. I am SO quiet; I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to social situations, especially with people I don't know; & I'm someone who really struggles with coming out of my comfort zone. But, when I feel this strongly about something, I do it. And I was SO glad I did. When I talked to Peggy about why I wanted to be there to support her & her family & what an impact she'd made on me, I knew she was really touched by my presence. And that really warmed my heart. So, as I wrap up this very long blog post, why am I telling you all of this? Well, it's because I think you can learn a lot from what Peggy did. What she did is a very good illustration of how doing something so simple can really turn someone's whole life around. When I reached out to Peggy, I was hoping for a little bit of insight, but I got something so much more meaningful instead. She was so unbelievably kind & compassionate, giving me her time & a listening ear. Things that I so desperately needed. And that made such an enormous difference to me in the lonely world that I was living in. 💙 Since Thanksgiving was just last week, I thought I'd spend this blog post telling you about what I'm thankful for. And no, autism didn't make the list. As I have said many times in this blog before, while many autistic people see autism as a superpower, something unique & wonderful about themselves, I see it as a hardship & a burden. Something that has very much gotten in the way of me achieving the white picket fence lifestyle I have dreamt of ever since I was a little girl. I had an interesting conversation with my mom last night, so before we move onto what this blog post is really about, I'd like to talk for a moment about Autism Acceptance. My mom made a comment about how I have accepted my autism, but I was quick to correct her. "I haven't accepted my autism. That's one of the things that I hate the most about myself & I wish it would just go away!" I said to her. "But you write all about it in your blog. You're very open about it there," my mom said. "I haven't accepted it though & I probably never will. I can write about it without accepting it. I'm open about it because I want people to have a better understanding of me. I hate my autism!" I exclaimed. "Okay, acknowledge then. You acknowledge that you have autism," my mom said, correcting the verbiage that she had been using. Yes, I acknowledge that I'm autistic. And I'm open about it, too. I'm trying to use my diagnosis to help others have a better understanding of me & to be more accepting of people who are a little bit different from them. But, accepting my autism? I'm far, far, FAR away from that. And to be completely honest with you, I can't see myself ever accepting it. I mean, autism has made my life so much more difficult than it would've been if I was neurotypical. Autism is something I want to stomp on, throw into a fire, & never see again. You get the picture. Feeling that way about my autism isn't acceptance. I wish I could get to the place of autism acceptance, but I haven't gotten there. And I don't think I ever will. What I'm Thankful For:
However, there are certain life experiences, things I have learned, & perspectives that I have that I only have because I am autistic. And that is what I'm thankful for. While I am definitely NOT thankful for autism itself, I do have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, that is related to autism in one way or another. Those things include, but are not limited to...
I have to begin this post by saying that I am so lucky, being someone who has felt so loved & so supported, particularly by my family & close friends, throughout the entirety of my autism diagnosis journey & beyond. I know that many, many people who receive diagnoses as adults, or even as children, are not as lucky as I am & are forced to find their footing in this neurotypical world on their own. Going off of that, a couple of days ago, my best friend texted me an article about the rise of neurodiversity at work. Interestingly, several weeks before, my cousin had emailed me a different article on the same topic, that was included in her work's most recent newsletter. Both articles were very similar, making very similar points about employers being more accepting of autistic & neurodiverse employees now, more than ever. The articles even made statements regarding how in certain aspects, neurodiverse employees add more value to a company than neurotypical employees do. However, when I read articles like these, what I'm seeing is that while we're definitely in a much better place now than we were before, significant changes still need to be made in the workplace & beyond. I had an interesting conversation via text with my best friend I'd like to share with you & that's what today's topic is about. Let's Step Away From The Technology, Mathematical, & Science Industries For A Moment: When you think autism, you generally think Dr. Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory or Dr. Shaun Murphy in The Good Doctor. I mean, this autistic stereotype is clearly illustrated within their characters, after all. Both articles that were sent to me mentioned this stereotype. My view on this is that articles written about this add to our already existent stereotype, rather than combatting it, which is what we really need. For example, the article my cousin sent me stated that, "Employers have begun to realize that individuals with autism are assets to the company, especially in the engineering and technology industry, where skills such as attention to detail, extended focusing, and mathematical concepts are in demand." On the other hand, the article that my best friend sent me mentioned that some industries, like tech & finance are moving faster than others when in comes to neuroinclusion. While I think that's great, what I'm more interested in are the other industries. Personally, I am someone who would not thrive in any of the stereotypical autistic industries. While I thrived in algebra & statistics while I was in school, I am not a technical- or a mathematical-oriented person. To be totally honest, I inputted numbers into formulas to get the answers because my teacher or professor told me to, but I never understood why I was doing that. And I was never required to remember the formulas I learned because having notecards for tests was an accommodation I had in both high school & college. Autistic people can also be extremely creative, be talented writers, & be great with animals. I can tell you that this is where my personal talents lie. Several industries autistic people tend to thrive in are journalism, animal science, pet grooming, animal care, filmmaking, videography, animation, photography, & graphic design. In elementary school & middle school, I spent my free time writing poetry. In high school & college, graphic design was my hobby. Even though I didn't write poetry as often when I was older, I often still used it to express my feelings. We don't hear about the link between these particular industries & autism often... or at all. What I'm interested in is how THESE industries & other industries outside of the technology, mathematical, & science fields are embracing autistic people & becoming more inclusive. Where These Autistic Stereotypes Came From:
I believe that these autistic stereotypes were created because there are so many undiagnosed autistic females. The technology, mathematical, & science industries are all male-dominated fields. So, of course if undiagnosed autistic females work in other fields, people are unaware of autism's presence outside of the tech bubble! A great illustration of this occurred shortly after I had a conversation with my physician about the fact that I am likely autistic. In my quest to learn more about autism & about myself, I purchased the book, I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults. When I finished reading it, I gave it to my dad to read. After my dad read the autistic traits section of that book, he told me he knows many people who are like the type of person Cynthia Kim is describing. My dad was an engineer for over twenty-five years, so I'm sure that many of his former colleagues are autistic. Engineering is one of the fields that fits that autistic stereotype. Also, after everything I have learned about autism over the past year, I believe that my dad is autistic himself. Where This Leads Us: While it's great that more & more organizations are willing to talk about & accept autism & neurodiversity, there clearly is significant work that still needs to be done. It is time for all industries to be more inclusive & welcoming; but I am most interested in what the industries outside of the technology, mathematical, & science fields are doing to achieve this. Being that today is Teacher Appreciation Day, I thought I would share some of my former teachers' thoughts & memories of me back from when I was a student. I have always respected & admired my teachers & really valued their opinions. I was really surprised that so many of these teachers remembered such details about me when I was in school so many years ago. Reaching out to so many people who were a part of my life growing up was one of the things I did during the self-discovery process that I thought was so worthwhile. I learned SO much about myself from emailing & chatting with my former teachers. I never asked my teachers what they thought of me when I was a student in their classrooms, so asking them this question now gave me really valuable perspective, as you'll see below. I did omit my teachers' & school names to keep my & their privacy safe & secure. 💕 Email From Seventh Grade Language Arts Teacher on August 8, 2022
What a pleasant surprise to hear from you! Yes, I do remember you from Middle School Name. I remember a very kind, shy, reserved student (with black-framed glasses, if I recall correctly) in my Language Arts class. In reading the notes you've shared, I do remember what a hardworking, diligent student you were and that earning top grades was very important to you. I see that I commented that you were "not good with being caught off guard," experienced frustration with group members who are fooling around, and that you interacted better with adults than with peers. I'm so sorry to hear of the challenges you've been experiencing for so long. I wish that I could add more detail to what I remember about you back in 7th grade, but I'm afraid that these meeting notes cover what I can recall. Although I unfortunately don't think I have much to add to the information you've shared with me, I'm happy to chat by phone if you'd like. Just let me know and we can arrange a time. Thank you so much for having the courage to reach out to me, Kim. It was wonderful hearing from you! We did have a phone conversation back in August & chatted a couple more times after that as well. This teacher is no longer a middle school language arts teacher, but is a middle school special education teacher in a different district now. I truly believe that special education is her calling, what she was meant to do with her life. Those conversations I had with her helped me immensely, more than I could ever convey to her (even though I tried). Thank you so, so much for being there for me & for truly listening to what I had to say in such an overwhelming time for me. This teacher is truly an illustration of why teachers are so incredible & so amazing. I was a student in her classroom about twenty years ago & she still made time for me during a time that I was learning so much about myself & was going through so much. At the time I sent her my initial email; I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do or if I was making a fool out of myself; but after emailing, texting, & conversing with her; I knew that reaching out was the right thing for me to do purely because her kindness, compassion, & helpfulness meant so much to me. It helped me to have the strength to go through all that I was going through while I was discovering so much about myself. I could never thank her enough for her kindness & time. Email From Seventh Grade Science Teacher on August 12, 2022 Wow! So great hear to from you. I am sorry to learn that things have been challenging for you, but am impressed by your perseverance to uncover more information about yourself. In thinking back to seventh grade, I remember you as being a quiet, shy student. You always worked so hard on your assignments, often going above and beyond what was expected of you. I also remember that when we had special activities or field trips, you liked to have your mom join us. I am not sure I can offer too much more than what you have already learned from the notes and speaking with Teacher's Name, but it seems you have a pretty clear picture of your middle school self. I wish you the best of luck on this journey of self discovery. I ran into this teacher while I was walking my client's dog a couple weeks ago. It was really great to see & chat with her in person as well! I have such fond memories of being her student about twenty years ago. Email From Second Grade Teacher on August 15, 2022 Thank you for reaching out to me. I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing some health issues and hope that you are able to resolve them as soon as possible. And while it's been a very long time since you were in my class and I can't recall every detail, I do have some clear memories of you. Yes, you were a very quiet and shy child. You seemed quite content to keep to yourself, and not too interested in other children. Making eye contact and initiating conversations weren't things you did often. Lately, more often than not, there is a student in my class who is on the spectrum. Each one has his or her own characteristics - but one common denominator I've witnessed is that students often are super-focused on specific things. For you, it was the love you had for your bunnies! Books you read and stories you wrote were all about bunnies. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to determine what's going on. If you receive this diagnosis, I wouldn't be surprised. I know I haven't added much to what you already have stated but if there's anything else I can do to help you, please let me know. Email From Middle School Physical Education Teacher on August 15, 2022 Thanks so much for the message! Of course I remember you!!! You are in your thirties?!?!? I'm getting old! I appreciate the kind words you gave me. Thanks so much. I remember you being very shy to start. I was informed of your dislike for PE so I was going to change that!!!! I remember you being stubborn!!!! I would try to get you to do some things that you would just not do!!!!! I do remember getting you involved in an asteroids game in which people could get back in ONLY if you throw them an asteroid!!! I was so proud of you for participating. Everyone was calling for your help!!!! Unfortunately, he wasn't able to change my dislike of PE, but he did make a huge difference in my experience in it. His kindness & compassion made it so that PE wasn't nearly as frightening as it was in all other grade levels. When I look back on PE, I have traumatic memories of PE in all grade levels except for middle school. The reason for that is because of his kindness, compassion, & the extra time he took with me. Quotes From Phone Conversation With High School Special Education Teacher on August 23, 2022 "I can totally see what you’re saying, especially looking through your early childhood development & some of the comments that teachers made & even your dad saying that it was something in the back of their minds. I can definitely see where your primary care physician may suggest that you look into that." "Definitely now that you’re saying that you’re looking into traits that you may have exhibited that you know to be in that autism checklist, I definitely remember you being very bright & artistic, creative. You definitely needed to be pulled out if you had a question or a concern, you weren’t always comfortable expressing that. Or advocating for help with your teachers. I saw over the four years, you became much more comfortable as time went on. And as you became comfortable with me, it definitely was easier for you to ask for help & advocate for yourself." "You tended to be very withdrawn when I first met you & then definitely came out & advocated a bit more junior & senior year. And people around you also made a big difference. I noticed that depending on who was in the classroom with you, who was in your skills class, & who was seated around you, that definitely had an impact on how comfortable you were, even making eye contact or joining in a conversation." "There were some times where I would think, "Aww, she’s just not comfortable in here" & I didn’t know if it was who you were sitting near or just the class in general. And then other times, I was just so happy because you seemed more at ease & I felt like you would ask for help or accept help more readily, depending on your surroundings & who was in your class." "I would not be surprised if you received this diagnosis. I feel like if you came into high school now, just from what I’m remembering, we would have a lot of red flags, where we’d say, "Oh, well, let’s look at this & let’s connect with Kim’s doctor" & we’d look back at your history, your educational history, whether you hit those milestones, things like that. I’m definitely not surprised that your doctor brought that up & I’m just so glad that you’re pursuing this because I think it will make a huge difference." Email From Freshman Year English Teacher on September 11, 2022 Yes, I absolutely remember having you as a student- it's so nice to hear from you! However, I am very sorry to hear about your medical struggles. It must be so frustrating to have had to deal with those for so long without having any clear answers as to the causes and the remedies, so I think you're doing the right thing in getting evaluated for the possibility of having autism spectrum disorder. What I do remember is that you were one of the best students in my class: very intelligent, and an excellent writer and reader. Yes, you were shy and quiet, but I've taught lots of students who were the same way, so your traits didn't seem out of the ordinary to me at the time. Please know that I always thought very highly of you and you made quite a favorable impression; that's why when I saw your name on the email, I instantly knew who you were. Sadly, I would not be able to say the same for many of the other students from the 2005-2006 school year. Email From High School Art Teacher on September 11, 2022 Of course I remember you :). It is good to hear from you. I remember you as a very hardworking and conscientious student. You cared about doing well in school. You were always well behaved and a pleasure to have in the room. Thinking back, I would describe you as a quiet student. You did not initiate many conversations. However, you were not afraid to come talk to me if you had something on your mind. I am not sure if I would describe you as shy or just quiet. Sometimes those two characteristics might be hard to differentiate. Feel free to contact me any time. I am happy to give you any information that I can remember. Quotes From Phone Conversation With Eighth Grade Algebra Teacher on September 12, 2022 "It was a long time ago, but I do remember you & I do remember you were a very diligent, excellent student. You always tried hard, but you were a little bit more to yourself. I do remember that you weren’t super social, you were very focused on school, the academic part of school & not so much the social aspect. That’s what I remember, Hun. That’s kinda what sticks out & I remember you were very sweet, nice, lovely, hardworking student, but I do remember the social piece, as being maybe more of a struggle." "I’m not surprised to say that’s something you’ve felt about yourself & there’s so much to the autism spectrum. I do kind of see that you could’ve fit that description of someone who really, the social part really was more of a challenge. And, I was a young teacher back then, I was just maybe ten years older than you, so I was kind of paying attention to the social thing." Email From Fifth Grade Math & Science Teacher on September 28, 2022 It is so nice to hear from you! Of course I remember you! Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with me. It sounds like it must have been a long road and I applaud you for continuing to look for some answers. I remember you as a very quiet girl in 5th grade. You didn't talk very much, but would respond with body language. You had a great smile and you smiled a lot in response when someone was talking to you. You presented as someone who was very shy and walked down the hall typically next to an adult. I also remember your movements and work completion was in a much slower manner than others. I used to think that you were just taking things in and processing them. Please feel free to reach out at anytime. Autism disclosure is a very personal issue that people within the autistic community are very divided on. Some people are very open about it & tell anyone & everyone. Others disclose in stages, disclosing first to their innermost circle, working out as more & more comfort is reached. Some people like to tell only their closest friends & family. And lastly, there are the people who like to keep their autism completely to themselves. MY Autism Disclosure Process: I personally fall into the second group of people listed above, being someone who disclosed in stages. This is how I went about it. Please keep in mind, there is no right or wrong way to disclose your autism & disclosing your autism isn't something you have to do at all.
WHY I Chose To Disclose My Autism Diagnosis: At first, I chose to disclose be better understood, accepted, & supported by family & close friends, as well as people who I interact with on a regular basis. I later disclosed to an even larger group of people with the purpose of educating them in effort to spread more autism acceptance & awareness in my community. Thinking About Disclosing YOUR Autism Diagnosis?:
Remember, there's no right or wrong way to disclose your autism diagnosis & you absolutely don't have to do it the way I did it. Some Things To Keep In Mind:
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AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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