Since Valentine's Day was earlier this week, I wanted to write about love, experiencing it, expressing it, & how it looks differently for autistic people than it looks for allistic, or non-autistic people. But, before we begin... What IS Love? Love is a complex mix of emotions that is everyone in the world experiences, whether they are neurodivergent or neurotypical, autistic or allistic, disabled or non-disabled, etc. It is associated with certain behaviors & strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, & respect for other people (e.g. family, friends, romantic partners, etc.), animals, principles, interests, hobbies, &/or religious beliefs. How Autistic People Experience Love: Widespread stereotypes suggest that autistic people are incapable of feeling love, romantic or otherwise. However, the reality is that autistic people experience love quite intensely (often much more intensely than allistic people). Interestingly, brain scans of autistic people show that when we express feeling love & affection for someone, different areas of the brain are activated than for allistic people. The empathy circuitry of the brain is also working differently. We, autistic people, are typically extremely attached to our close relationships, often more so than allistic people are. This is because we usually have significantly less people that we are close to than allistic people do. Like allistic people, we have a deep desire for those types of relationships, making the close relationships we do have so much more important to us. With this being said, it is important to remember that autism is a spectrum. So, autistic people experience & express love in unique ways that can vary quite drastically from each other. Our experiences & expressions of love are greatly influenced by our individual strengths, challenges, & sensory sensitivities. How Autistic People Express Love: While autistic people feel love & empathy very intensely, often much more intensely than you do, it may be very difficult or impossible for us to express our love & empathy for you in ways that make you feel loved & cared about. Some ways that we express our love include:
Many autistic people experience what is called "limerence." This is when the person we are romantically interested in becomes a special interest. We fixate on every aspect of their being, want to learn about all of their favorite things, or start to picture the rest of our lives with them after just a few (maybe even one) interaction(s). This can sometimes lead to a devastating end when the effort isn't reciprocated or worse, we can't see that it isn't being reciprocated. Tips For Loving An Autistic Person:
Benefits Of Loving An Autistic Person:
A Few Other Things To Remember:
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Happy Easter, Splashed With Water readers! Due to the holiday, we're gonna talk about something different today: Easter egg hunts. You may ask, "What do Easter egg hunts have to do with autism?" The truth is, Easter egg hunts actually have a lot to do with autism. The reason why? I absolutely HATED them! This Is Why.
Some things that aren't talked about quite as often are the gross motor difficulties & the processing delays among autistic children & adults. I have experienced gross motor & processing delays & challenges ever since I can remember. I had fine motor challenges as well, but the gross motor challenges were definitely more of a struggle & were most definitely more pronounced. I hated Easter egg hunts because my younger brother found all of the eggs before I even found just one egg. Imagine being a little girl & how sad & frustrated that would make you. I remember one Easter, my mom pulled my brother aside & told him that she knew the Easter Bunny personally (impressive!). She told him that she talked to the Easter Bunny who said that since he hid sixteen eggs, he's only allowed to find eight because he needs to leave some for his sister to find. The reason why I still remember the exact number of eggs the Easter Bunny hid all these years later? Autism! This solved the Easter egg hunt problem, but what I remember about them is my younger brother finding all of the eggs & me finding none. I didn't know I was autistic at the time, but I know the reason for this happening was because of the gross motor difficulties & the processing issues that being autistic caused. |
AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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