This afternoon, I asked a close family member of mine for relationship advice (something I rarely do), which led to a conversation where he made a statement that I just can't stand. A statement he's made multiple times before. A statement I've corrected many, many times. A statement that causes me to cringe more with each time I hear it. And yet, a statement he continues to say. Specifically, the statement he said was, "The more I learn about autism, the more I believe that everyone is on the autism spectrum." Other ways of saying this are "We’re all a little bit autistic" & "All of us are autistic to a degree." If you've been in the autism community for long enough, you've likely heard one of these statements, or a similar statement that suggests that everyone is autistic. So, going off of that, the topic of today's blog post is about what these kinds of statements really mean & why hearing these statements hurts so much. As much as it hurts to hear statements like these, these are common beliefs among allistic, or non-autistic people, so I wanted to take the time to explain where these beliefs come from & what is so wrong about them. However, before we dive in, I want to make one thing clear. If you've ever said something like, "Everyone is on the autism spectrum" before, this post isn't about telling you that you are bad or wrong. I totally understand where the belief comes from & I know that most people who say statements like these are trying to be compassionate towards the autistic person they're talking with. However, this isn't how it comes across to the autistic person. Let's Take A Moment To Explore What The World Would Likely Be Like If Everyone Really Were On The Autism Spectrum:
To really understand why everyone simply cannot be on the autism spectrum, we have to understand what the autism spectrum really is. We already discussed this in my April 3rd blog post entitled What Does It Mean To Be Autistic?, but it never hurts to review what we already know, so...
What Exactly Is The Autism Spectrum?: Autism spectrum disorder is a lifelong neurodevelopmental disability caused by differences in the wiring of the brain that cause difficulties with social communication & interaction. It also causes restricted or repetitive behaviors or interests. The key problem with stating that everyone is on the autism spectrum is the fact that autism spectrum disorder is a neurodevelopmental disability. In order to be autistic, you have to have a certain combination of autistic traits that impacts your daily life on a significant level. A Couple Important Points To Remember:
Hearing That Everyone Is On The Autism Spectrum Hurts So Much Because... It is dismissive & it minimizes our struggles. It also translates to everyone being just like us when we know that couldn't be further from the truth. Also, if everyone were autistic, how could we still be so misunderstood? Whether someone was diagnosed as a child or as an adult, (s)he has gone through a lifetime of feeling different from his or her peers. Telling us that everyone is on the autism spectrum, or any similar statement dismisses these differences & the significant difficulties that come with them. What You Should Do Or Say Instead: Offer a listening ear & a shoulder to cry on. Autistic people, myself included, often feel alone, unheard, & like their perspectives don't matter. They have more than likely had a difficult life beginning in early childhood. Help the autistic person feel less alone by truly listening & by showing him or her that you care. Truly listening & being compassionate are the best things you can do & will likely combat the loneliness that the autistic person is currently experiencing.
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AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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