I went on a date today with a man I believe is autistic. We met on a dating app. He doesn't know that I think he's autistic & I haven't yet told him about my autism either. After matching on the dating app, we spent several weeks messaging back & forth & had a conversation on video chat before meeting in person. Unlike other women my age, I started experimenting with online dating when I was just nineteen years old. I mean,...
Video Chatting With My Date: My video chat with my date was slightly less than two weeks ago. A couple hours before the time we had picked to chat, I was freaking out, confided in my dad about it, & asked him what he thinks I should do. At this point, I was pretty certain this man was autistic. From his occupation to what he spends his free time doing to taking things I say or ask way too literally to admitting that social activities are downright exhausting. It seemed like every new thing I was learning about him was an autistic trait. I can't help but wonder, if I had matched with this man prior to learning that I am autistic myself, would I still have been able to pick up on these things so easily? I have learned SO much about autism over the past year. Anyway, this is the interesting part. I'm trying to word this carefully because I know other autistic people are stumbling their way onto this blog. But, the reason I was freaking out over this video chat was because this is an autistic man. Would he be too autistic for me? Too strange or weird? Yes, I am an autistic woman, but interactions with other autistic individuals actually make me shut down. I've always been this way. Ever since I first learned that I'm autistic, I have been immersing myself into autistic literature & have been reading books, memoirs, & blog posts written by autistic women, mainly women who were diagnosed later in life. Each woman has her own story, but there is one thing that all of these women have in common: they all enjoy spending time with autistic people & most of them have a group of autistic friends. I am the exact opposite of these women. Every autistic trait or quirk I exhibit is something I dislike about myself SO strongly that I don't want my friends or my significant other to exhibit those traits or quirks either. While it gave me comfort to know that getting rejected for my quirks probably wouldn't happen if I dated an autistic guy, this is why it was also so frightening. I really enjoyed messaging back & forth with him for the past week, but now it was time for me to find out: was he too much like me? And if he was, the idea of breaking that to him was really scary. I've been rejected my whole life & I know how much it hurts. So, this is what happened. We video chatted for almost an hour & a half & I still liked him. Not only that, but he reminded me of one of my cousins who is such a nice, sweet guy. If I ended up with someone like my cousin, that would be totally fine with me! Our First Date:
This is the second first date I have been on since learning that I'm autistic. It was to a mini golf & ice cream place, a location that was comfortable for me, since I am still taking COVID precautions & feel uncomfortable being in close contact with someone who I don't know really well. He texted me that he was there when I was just a couple minutes away. When I got there, I saw him sitting on the steps of the ice cream shack. He was wearing a plain tee & corduroy long pants. My first thought was that he must be sweltering because it's in the 90's. Corduroy is something I would only wear in the cooler months. I was wearing a lacy spaghetti strap top & jean shorts, so in my opinion, the two of us looked like we belonged in two very different climates. He got up & shook my hand when he saw me, but I wished he gave me a hug instead. I'm a hugger, not a handshaker. The mini golf portion of the date was great! We chatted as we made our way along the golf course. The woman who we paid for a game of mini golf offered us a score card, which we didn't take because neither of us are competitive. He understood me in ways that no one else did. Mainly things having to do with not having a desire to have social interaction be a part of my life. I guess that's one positive thing about dating another autistic individual. After we finished our game of mini golf, we got some ice cream from the ice cream shack. I got English toffee soft serve. I always get flavored soft serve if I can because so few places offer that. He got an orange soda float. He was gonna stand in the corner, near the window where we picked up our ice cream to eat, but I suggested we get a table & sit down instead. Much more comfortable & way less awkward. Once we sat down, he wouldn't stop talking. Not only that, the conversation was going in a direction that just didn't interest me. He was telling me about courses he took in college & was asking me about mine. I just didn't care to listen or to talk about that & it went on for HOURS. I graduated from college ten years ago & strongly disliked the majority of my experience that I've tried to put it out of my brain. We'll talk more about that on another day though. I felt so far removed from what he was asking me that I just didn't remember the answers to most of his questions. I'm only a year or two older than him, so we were in college at the same time. Other topics of conversation came up in the middle. My dogs for example & the fact that I used to have bunnies before them. But, those topics of conversation were very short-lived & we kept going back to the same unenjoyable conversation topic. After meeting him in person, I was certain he was autistic, but he also reminded me less of my cousin than he did previously. In fact, this date was more than two hours longer than I wanted it to be because I just couldn't figure out a way out or how to get him to stop talking! Do I think he's the right person for me? No, I don't, because if I did, I don't think I would've wanted this date to end so badly. This is one of my experiences dating as an autistic woman. Dating as an autistic individual is very, very difficult &... This Is Why:
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AuthorHello! My name is Kim, I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my thirties, & this is my story. Categories
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May 2024
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